By Linda Werner

cou·ple     \ˈkə-pəl\     noun      two people married, engaged, or otherwise romantically paired [1]

In April of 1989, Bill and I had been a couple for almost a year. We knew it was time to take a big step: go on vacation together. Since Arizona and the Grand Canyon were places we both wanted to go, we started there.  

The Beginning

     As the plane touched down in Phoenix with a thump, we had our first good look at Arizona. Heat rose from the sandy ground in waves; it looked hot and dry. Bill and I had been a couple for about a year when we decided it was time to take a vacation together. The first words out of his mouth were about food.

     “I’m starving! Where can we eat?” Not at the airport, I thought. “Arizona’s close to Mexico. How about Mexican?”  But not like ChiChi’s; I wanted real Mexican. We turned the rental car left, and followed the signs for ‘Downtown’. The place we picked was a mom-and-pop restaurant with five or six tables. All of them were full (a good sign). The still-warn tortilla chips were amazing, and the salsa was spicy and delicious. Our tacos were the best I’d ever had, since Taco Casa and ChiChi’s tacos were the limit of my experiences with Mexican food.

     The next day, we arrived at Grand Canyon National Park. The canyon was magnificent! We stayed in a cabin with a wood-burning fireplace right on the rim. We had lunch at El Tovar Restaurant; the French onion soup and filet mignon, coupled with a view of the Grand Canyon, was unforgettable. Travel Note: lunch is always cheaper and the food’s the same as they serve at dinner.    

     On the way back to the aiprort, as Jerry Garcia and the Grateful Dead sang, “Lately it occurs to me what a long, strange trip it’s been,” [2] on the radio, I had no idea of the journey on which we were about to embark.         

                             [3]

jour·ney     \ˈjər-nē\     noun     an act or instance of traveling from one place to another; something suggesting travel or passage from one place to another [1]

Little did we know, this was the start of our life together. The sharing of food and memories while traveling from place to place has been our journey for the last twenty-or-so-years.

                                                                 June 6, 1992

Dear Kim,

     Thanks so much for coming to the wedding and for your wedding gift. Money always comes in handy. I guess you knew we went to New York City for our honeymoon. It was marvelous!  We saw A Streetcar Named Desire on B’way, took a Circle Line Cruise past the Statue of Liberty, and went to the top of the World Trade Center for drinks with a view.

     We also had some amazing food. There’s a bakery in Little Italy called Ferrara’s that has the best cannoli in NYC. We took half-a-dozen to the hotel (tiny room) and ate them all. Bill especially enjoyed the Dim Sum lunch we had in Chinatown. Ladies push carts full of different foods around the restaurant, and they give you a small plate of each thing you want. Then they mark your check with your selection. I couldn’t believe they served chicken feet! In a wok, no less! At the end of the meal, they count the number of dishes you were served. That’s how they figure out the bill. We both had a great time and a tasty meal. The best food we had during the trip was at a place called the Mexican Village (yes, it was in The Village). We both got different combination dinners and had tacos, enchiladas, tostadas, tamales, and guacamole. Oh, almost forgot; we had Nathan’s hot dogs on Times Square too. The thing about the food is that it made our memories more than just what we did. Sharing food and travel experiences as a family made our honeymoon unforgettable.

     If it sounds like we had a great time, we really did.  Thanks again for coming up from Florida for the wedding and the party. And thanks for the gift. It tasted great!

                                                                                                Love,

                                                                                                Linda and Bill 

mar·riage     \ˈmer-ij, ˈma-rij\      noun     the state of being united to a person as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law [1]

Well, we finally did it! After four years of dating, we decided to stop ‘living in sin’ and be together forever. Maybe we’ll even have a baby. This marriage thing isn’t so bad….

Family and Fun in the West

     One very memorable family vacation was to Seattle and Washington State. I had lost my job as a travel agent after 9/11 and had returned to Kutztown for my teaching certificate and master’s degree. In August of 2002, I wasn’t working and we decided to visit B.J., Robin, and Andrew, my brother-in-law and his family. It was to be an interesting trip because I’d only met them twice before. Now we were staying at their house for four nights. What if my sister –in-law and I had nothing in common? I shouldn’t have worried. Within and hour or so of our arrival in Brush Prairie (yes, it’s really where they live), all of us were out in the yard picking blackberries for a cobbler that Robin was planning to make for dinner. Now I understand why my mother-in-law affectionately calls Robin “Martha Stewart of the West.” We didn’t go out for dinner at all during our visit; Robin cooked everything from chicken enchiladas to pot roast (I helped). All of the meals were delicious. She and B.J. made us feel welcome and we all had a great time together. Bill was especially happy to reconnect with his brother, who’s been out West since 1974. They even spent a day on the Columbia River fishing from B.J.’s boat. Even though they didn’t catch anything, both returned home sunburned but happy.

     The best meal we had at a restaurant was, surprisingly, at a tiny Mexican place on the banks of the Columbia River in Astoria, Oregon. We were heading for Cannon Beach on the coast, but had a whiney child in the backseat who had to eat now!  The restaurant was on the main drag and marked by a neon sign in a second-floor window: MEXICAN FOOD. No one in the family remembers the name of the place, but the food and the view from the sunlit second story dining room were fantastic. Since that trip, my family decided that the barometers of a good Mexican place are soft-shell beef tacos and guacamole. Both were outstanding.  [4]  

     After leaving southern Washington, we stopped at Mount St. Helen’s where the trees were flattened, even though it had been 20 years since the volcano erupted. It was desolate and truly unique, certainly worth a visit. We also stopped at Mount Rainier National Park, where we stayed overnight. The views from the lodge’s porches were spectacular, with jagged mountains silhouetted against the sunset.

      Finally we drove to Seattle for a four night stay. We visited the famous Pike Place Market (that’s the place where they throw fish through the air). We all enjoyed our wild salmon dinner at Ivar’s (famous seafood place in the area), but our best food by far was with family at B.J. and Robin’s and in Astoria.            

va·ca·tion     \vā-ˈkā-shən\     noun      a period of exemption from work granted to an employee; a period spent away from home or business in travel or recreation [1]

This is what we look forward to every year. Vacation is fun time off from work or school during which Bill, Valerie, and I travel, eat great food, and relax.

Hey, Bill

Me:     Bill, what were the best things we did on vacation and which three or four meals do you remember most?  (He’s usually a man of few words, especially when        competing with Valerie and me to get a word in, but he loves to travel     and to talk     about food.)  I’ll name the place, and you tell me what you remember.

Bill:     OK.

          New Orleans

That was a food vacation. We had so many good meals, I can’t remember them all. My favorite for breakfast was the Camelia Grill on the streetcar line. My omelet was the size of a folded-up newspaper. It was right across from the levee. I wonder if they’re still open. The Po’ Boys at Mother’s were excellent too, and the Jazz Brunch at the Palace Café on Canal St. You really liked the Bananas Foster and I had the best bread pudding I ever ate.  I also remember eating oysters on the half-shell with Tabasco. You said they looked like spit in a shell. Oh, and Central Grocery for those sandwiches (called muffalettas and made with different meats, cheeses, topped with green-olive salad, and served whole, halved, or quartered). They were delicious!                                 [5]

        Washington, DC

I like all the museums, especially Air and Space, the monuments and memorials, Arlington Cemetery and the Changing of the Guard, and the zoo and National Cathedral. Every time we go to D.C., we eat at that Mexican place at the Capital South stop on the Metro (Tortilla Coast and they have a tortilla machine with fresh tortillas daily!) They had really good guacamole there. I like that City Lights Chinese place too, at the Dupont Circle stop (try the eggplant with garlic sauce). Remember that Music City Roadhouse in Georgetown? We took Valerie there when she was three or four and she was dancing during the gospel brunch. It’s closed now, isn’t it? (Yes)  I’ll always remember the spongy bread when we had Ethiopian. I didn’t care for the bread, but the food was good. And we had to use the sponge bread to scoop up the food (they don’t use utensils). That was a mess but we had a fun meal.

          San Francisco

Our city tour was really great, and Alcatraz was interesting. The cable cars were crowded. I remember spending a few hours in a bar on Haight Street because it was pouring rain. Remember those giant sea lions at Fisherman’s Wharf? We had Dungeness crab that was delicious. But the best place was the restaurant at our hotel (Café Pescadore near The Best Western Tuscan Inn) was really, really good. We ate there twice; we never do that. The mushroom risotto was great, and I remember eating outstanding crab ravioli with asparagus. Remember, they had a wine hour at the hotel? We met those couples from England. The guys were all soccer players. We should go back there with Val and visit Yosemite too.    

Me: The San Francisco trip was great, but I remember other things too. The Golden Gate Bridge and the tea ceremony at the Japanese Tea Garden were beautiful. The food was really good too, especially Dim Sum at Four Seas Restaurant and the guacamole at that little place in the Mission district. The owner talked about getting avocados from this own tree.  Also, the outdoor place at Fisherman’s Wharf had the best soup and salad lunch. Remember?

Weekend in san fran

crab bisque and sourdough bread

a red-eye flight home                                  

[6]

food \ˈfüd\     noun     material consisting essentially of protein, carbohydrate, and fat used in the body of an organism to sustain growth, repair, and vital processes and to furnish energy; something that nourishes or sustain [1]

Whenever we go on vacation, food and local restaurants are as important to us as what we do and see. Bill and Val often ask me to experiment at home and to make meals like the ones they’ve eaten while on vacation. 

Aftter eating guacamole in Mexican restaurants from Oregon to Florida and Las Vegas to Kutztown, I experimented with my own recipe until it worked. Before you start, feel free to add more of or omit any ingredient (except avocados). Know in advance that this is the first time I’ve ever written down the recipe! If you try it, please let me know how it was.

  [7]

MY “I NEVER MEASURE ANYTHING” GUACAMOLE

2 ripe avocados                 I always buy hard avocados a few days before using                                                       and let them ripen in a bowl until softer

Lime juice                        ¼ or ½ lime (or lemon),     depending on size of fruit

Sour cream                       one generous tablespoon, reduced fat or light is ok

Salt and pepper                 don’t start with too much, add if needed

Ground cumin                    two or tree shakes (Goya comido molido w/yellow top)

A dash of sugar                 less than ¼ teaspoon

Ground cayenne                 NOT too much!  Tabasco or other hot sauce ok too 

Chopped onions                 red, white, or yellow (I like Vidalias in summer)

Chopped tomatoes             use whatever variety looks best at the market

Cilantro                            one small handful,  awashed and chopped

Peel and remove pits from avocados (put one pit aside), put fruit in bowl, and mash w/ fork (don’t pulverize, leave some chunks). Add lime juice, sour cream, salt, pepper, and cumin and stir. TASTE IT.  If more spice is needed, add it. Next, mix in onions and tomatoes (as many or as few as you like) and cilantro.    NOTE: If you’ve never eaten cilantro before, try a small piece first (some people say it tastes like soap!). Finally, add the pit you set aside earlier (it keeps the guac from getting dark). Now open the chips, and enjoy your guacamole!     

road trip     \ˈrōd\ˈtrip\     noun     an extended trip in a motor vehicle [1]

Always rent a car when you vacation! Some of our most memorable experiences have been within one day’s drive of our starting point. Also, road trips are less expensive than flying.

Food on the Road

                                      By Valerie Werner

          Over the years, I have been very lucky with my travel experiences. Not many people my age can say that they’ve been to the Grand Canyon, Las Vegas, Utah, Seattle, Florida, or even New York City. Though there are still many places I’d love to go, the times I’ve spent on vacation with my family have been unforgettable. All the foods I’ve tasted while on our trips are also something I’m not likely to forget.

            At the Grand Canyon, in a restaurant overlooking the natural wonder, I’ve sampled blue crab and artichoke dip. In New York City, I’ve eaten some of the best pizza in the country at Lombardi’s. My parents have taken me to some of the greatest places to eat at every location we’ve visited. Unfortunately, on my first big trip by myself, no one was there to take me to any nice restaurants.

            With my high school’s marching band, I got to go to Virginia Beach and Norfolk for a five day national competition. The entire band and color guard was together with only about twenty chaperones and parents in the group. We had the freedom to go just about where ever we wanted as long as one of the “band aides” knew about it. It seemed like the ultimate freedom. The only catch was that for dinner every night, our group would eat out together at a restaurant.

From Old Country Buffet, to Golden Coral and a place called Captain George’s Seafood, everything we ate was terrible. The buffet style food was not good at all, but that’s what we ended up eating every night. During the whole trip, the best thing I ate was probably the chicken fingers and salad on a ship we visited, the Virginia Jewel. When we were at Busch Gardens theme park in Williamsburg, I couldn’t even bring myself to finish the chicken wrap and potato chips that I bought for dinner. My friends wouldn’t even eat any of it.

But at the buffets we stopped at, everyone else there kept marveling at how great everything was. They actually liked the food! I was incredibly disappointed with my meals during that vacation. Maybe it’s because I’ve just gotten used to eating the really good and sometimes unusual food on my travels. I suppose not everyone has gotten the opportunities I have to sample different things whenever I’m in a different place. At least now I know better than to eat out when I’m somewhere without my mom and dad.

fam·i·ly     \ˈfam-lē, ˈfa-mə-lē\     noun     the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children [1]

Ours started with Bill and me, and we added Valerie (turning 16 in September) soon after. We always try to make time for family dinner. Sharing a meal together reminds me what’s most important in my life.

West Again

     One of my family’s most unforgettable trips was in the summer of 2007. We flew to Las Vegas, but also rented a car and drove into southern Utah and northern Arizona. First, let me assure you that Bill and I are not gamblers. That’s not why we went to ‘Sin City’.  During my years as a travel agent, I had visited Las Vegas and realized there were many fun and unique things to do in the area. As Valerie got older, we wanted her to be able to see and do some of the things we’d done as a couple. We really wanted her to be able to experience the Grand Canyon and to be a well-traveled kid.  Located within a day’s drive from Hoover Dam (Travel Tip: DON’T go if it’s 117 degrees outside. Even if it is ‘a dry heat’, it’s still 117!) and three national parks: Bryce Canyon and Zion in Utah, and Grand Canyon in Arizona, Las Vegas was a good place to start our journey.

     Since we’d be in Vegas for two nights at the start of our trip and one night at the end, we’d have plenty of time to visit attractions and restaurants. I chose our first hotel, Mandalay Bay, based on two things. The first was the hotels pool complex, including a ‘Lazy River’ water ride and a wave pool with a real sand beach. Remember, we had an almost-fourteen-year-old along… The second reason was the Border Grill, an upscale Mexican restaurant at the hotel. The pool was fun, but the restaurant was outstanding. We started with guacamole (good, but no tomatoes) served with warm tortilla chips and three different salsas. Val, as always, had beef tacos, I had chili rellenos, and Bill had a roasted pork dish. Sangria for the adults completed our meal. It was pricey, but delicious!

     As we left Las Vegas, heading north and east toward Utah, I hoped the food at the national parks would be good too. I wasn’t disappointed. Zion National Park was gorgeous and full of wildlife. We saw bighorn sheep, numerous deer, and even a coyote! When it was time for dinner, we went to the Zion Lodge and all ordered local beef; it was tender and delicious. The restaurant had a scenic view of the river and the rock formations beyond.

     The next afternoon, we left for the north rim of the Grand Canyon. As we had hoped, Valerie’s reaction to the canyon was, “Wow!” and to me, it was still spectacular. We had to go to the lodge to reconfirm our reservations for the mule ride into the canyon the following morning and to make reservations for dinner. The mules were a go, and we scored a table near the windows for dinner at 7:30 the next evening! The mule ride was painfully beautiful and Val and I got some great photos on the trail. We’ll never forget that experience or our delicious dinner with a breathtaking view. Actually, we all remember the crab and artichoke dip appetizer, but no one can recall the entrees. When the sun began to set, food was secondary to the impressive beauty of our surroundings. The food was good, but the experience was unforgettable.   (Travel Tip: About the mule ride, unless you ride horses (or mules) regularly, you need to plan a hot shower and a long nap into your schedule. The term ‘saddle-sore’ has real meaning for me now…)

     The last park we visited was Bryce Canyon National Park. Again, it was natural beauty in a remote location. Food here was a challenge. The selection of restaurants was limited, and we ended up eating dinner in a mom-and-pop diner near our hotel. The food wasn’t bad, but not worth writing home about. Our memories from Bryce were of shopping at the general store and exploring the local rock shops. As we headed back toward Las Vegas, we drove for about an hour and we started seeing buffalo off in the distance. As we drove we saw more and more of the herd. Valerie wondered why someone would have so many buffalo, but before we could answer her, the reason was obvious. The huge log structure to our left bore a sign: The Buffalo Grill !!!  Of course, Bill wants to stop for lunch, but Valerie, in the backseat, screamed, “NOOOOOOO!” I agreed with her. I don’t want to be that close to my food!   [8]

con·nec·tion      \kə-ˈnek-shən\     noun     a person connected with another especially by marriage, kinship, or common interest [1]

Family, food, shared memories: those are our connections. Long after Valerie graduates and marries, travel with her family will connect her to ours.

And finally, I can’t believe we’re leaving for vacation in only five days! I know it’s only NYC, but I have laundry and packing and we need to get the dogs to the kennel. Oh, I also need to leave phone numbers for Mom just in case…it’s only for three nights, but I can’t wait.  I NEED A VACATION !!!

Packing list for NYC

clothes

shoes

sunblock

toiletries

maps  (city and subway)

restaurant guides

money (cash and cards)

snacks

water

kennel’s phone #

laptop and I-pods

phone #s for Mom

Restaurant list

Lombardi’s      32 Spring St.

John’s Pizzaria      across from Phantom theatre

Ferrara’s  for cannoli     165 Grand at Mulberry

Mexican Village     118 Macdougal St.

Golden Unicorn for Dim Sum     near Confucius  statue

 Tue Thai Food     3 Greenwich Ave. in West Village

Amici II     165 Mulberry

Il Vagabondo     351 E 62^nd

Notes

1 http://www.merriam-webster.com/  retrieved 20 July, 2010.

2 Garcia, Jerry and Robert Hunter. “Truckin”,  American Beauty, 1970.

3 http://www.richard-seaman.com/Wallpaper/USA/States/index.html

   4http://arcweb.sos.state.or.us/county/images/scenic/ohrp/clatsop/scenicclatsop8.htm

5 http://www.rachelleb.com/2008/04/15/muffuletta-sandwich-from-central-grocery/

6 http://www.insatiable-critic.com/article.aspx?id=368

7 http://www.insatiable-critic.com/article.aspx?id=368

8 http://motherearthbeats.com/category/sacred/

Let’s take a trip together into the worlds of these creatures.

INFANCY: All animals begin as infants.  For deer, that means 1-3 fawns per year per fertile doe.  For fertile cows, that means one calf.  Already I begin questioning why cows are our domestic creature of choice.  If deer can produce twice as many young annually, wouldn’t it be logical for us to use them as a renewable food source? 

The young of these creatures lead two completely different lives.  Calves are usually weaned at around 4-5 weeks of age[1].  The females learn to eat corn laced with chemicals to prevent disease and the males are boxed in tiny crates where they are fed for about 5 months and then slaughtered to produce veal[2].

Fawns are weaned at about 6 weeks, but after immediate infancy, fawns are capable of foraging for food and could survive if lost.  They remain with their mother in the wild for anywhere between 1-2 years depending on the sex of the fawn[3].

  Calves in crates at an average farm[4]              A fawn striking a defensive pose in the wild[5]

FUN FACT! – If you are walking through the woods and find a fawn, do not try to move it; it has not been abandoned.  Doe will leave their fawns hidden for up to 8 hours, but if the fawn smells of human when its mother returns, she may refuse to care for it.  Check with the game commission if you truly believe a fawn has been abandoned or if it has not moved in several days.

HABITAT: Perhaps the largest difference between beef cattle and deer is the habitat in which each creature resides.  Most 6-year-olds can tell you that a cow lives on a farm and a deer lives in the woods, but many people don’t stop to think any further than that.  Are the animals happy where they are?  Do they spend time with other animals?  Are they well fed?  How do they interact with humans?  These are all questions that can be answered by looking at the home of these creatures.  Let’s check the encyclopedia…

Beef Cattle – Beef cattle are cows that are traditionally raised for their meat production; however they can also be used for leather products.  Most beef cattle are female.  They are often former dairy cows that have outlived their usefulness for milk production.

Habitat – Often, beef cattle are raised within the confines of a Concentrated Animal Feeding Operation or CAFO.  CAFO’s are gigantic lots in which many cows reside side by side, standing in their own waste.  CAFO’s can hold thousands of cows, the largest in Nebraska holding 85,000. The animals are fed and watered through long troughs.  These cows are fed corn, which often disturbs the delicate digestive system of a ruminant, and the side effects of this diet, which cows were not designed to consume, are counteracted by antibiotics.  “Rumensin buffers acidity in the rumen, helping to prevent bloat and acidosis, and Tylosin, a form of erthrymycin, lowers the incidence of liver infection”[6]. Although unsanitary, cattle feedlots are the most efficient way to raise beef for profit. CAFO’s produce faster growing cattle, allowing the industry to earn more money as cattle constantly pass through these establishments.

White-Tailed Deer – The white-tailed deer is a game animal located in great numbers throughout most of the continental United States.  White-tails are mainly solitary creatures, the males (bucks) gathering in groups of 3-4 at most and only when mating season is not taking place³.

Habitat – White-tailed deer can survive in nearly any wooded area.  They are sustained by a variety of plants that can be found all over the US.  Deer will eat many different green plants, fruits, and nuts as different seasons pass.  They often reside near agricultural areas where food is always plentiful.  “In agricultural areas, a large part of a deer’s diet is…soybeans.  Bucks especially seem to gorge themselves on soybeans while they’re green”[7].  In addition to using plants as a food source, deer will use them as a source of protection.  Mother deer will hide fawns in tall grass while they search for food, and many deer will eat in a grassy area next to wooded lots that will provide ample cover if the creature is in danger.  Possibly the greatest threat to the white-tail is removal of habitat as wooded land becomes developed and shopping centers or houses are built

MATING: All creatures that want to remain a species have to reproduce.  What’s interesting about barnyard animals is that they have been domesticated for such a long time that some of them have forgotten how to do so naturally.  Others, such as cattle, are not allowed to reproduce on their own because humans wish to select only the best milk or beef producers to pass genes on to the calves.  Creatures in the wild use natural selection (the animals are responsible for choosing their own mates) to ensure that good genes are passed on to their young.  With domestic farm animals, farmers are the ones to select the creatures who are allowed to reproduce, and they ship bull sperm across the country in vials.  Each vial of sperm costs around $50.00 and must be manually inserted into the female cow[8].  I had the “pleasure” of experiencing this firsthand during a high school Ag. Science course.  I also spoke to one of my co-workers, a hunter and fisherman, about his personal experience with watching deer during mating season. 

November 7, 2001

Dear Diary –

OMG I did the coolest and grossest thing ever today.  Miller is always trying to get me to do animal stuff, which is totally awesome, but today was crazy.  I told Lucas about it and he was grossed out too much to high five me.  Ready? I fake artificially inseminated a cow.  Miller kinda pushed me towards it. It was pretty nasty, but I’m glad I did it.  It was me, Jason, and Meg.  Valerie went along but wouldn’t do it because she was too grossed out.  See, the cows on a farm don’t actually do it, you have to use purchased semen to get them pregnant.  I know, weird, right?  They wouldn’t let us do the insemination for real, because the bull sperm is expensive, but we got to feel exactly what it would be like to do it, just not inject.  We had to put on these really long gloves that went up past our elbow, and then the farmer lubed them up so the cow wasn’t uncomfortable.  We pushed our hands up the cow’s pooper which was real nasty when you think about it, and the cow must have still been uncomfortable because it went to the bathroom all over Jason when he tried.  It was disgusting, but I’m still glad I tried it. Heck.  How many other people can say they did this?  Anyway, we pushed up through the cow’s sphincter, which was really tight, and then inserted a tube into the cow’s reproductive tract.  The tube would have usually had the sperm in it.  You had to have your hand in the pooper because you needed to feel where the tube was going and that’s below where your hand is.  Then you would have pushed the tube and it would have been like a syringe with sperm in it.  Then you just pull everything out again!  I’m glad I got to experience this, but I do feel sort of bad for the cow.

November 3, 2007

Log -

Saw something really amazing today.  Was fishing along the bank of the creek out back, watching some doe graze in the field way across the creek when a young buck wandered by me.    Buck walked near me, and looked right at me.  Thought for sure he was going to bolt, but he crossed the creek (scared away all the trout…) and went over to the doe.   I swear, they get stupid during mating season. Like teenage boys at a school dance. Right about then, another young buck stumbled out from the field and the two saw each other.  They started butting heads, fighting over the doe.  The loser wandered off, and the winner tried to mount one of the females.  She snubbed him anyway – acted like she didn’t want anything to do with him and ran, but I know the lowdown.  She runs, he follows, eventually she gives in and babies are born.

 Made me think of how soon the young ones are going to be out with their mothers.  God, they’re cute. Stumbling around, butting heads for fun.  Can’t wait to see that.  Maybe in spring I’ll stop by the creek again, see if anything new is showing up.

Anyway, not often that you get to see them fighting over the females.  Especially when they’re this young.  Usually the little ones get their behinds kicked by the older bucks, but they must have been out somewhere else.  I was pretty lucky today.  Not many can say they got to witness this[9].  (Based on a story told by Art Waimkessel)

DEATH: All creatures must, at some point, die.  It’s a part of life.  How they die is a different story.  Most people believe that death should carry some dignity – that’s why we hold funerals for our own species and even for our pets.  Deer are harvested (hunters generally frown upon the word “kill”) and cattle are slaughtered.  While man is the cause of the death of these creatures, the process can be two completely different stories.

The Hunt

               The hunter sits in his stand, waiting.  He has been here for hours, waiting and watching since the break of dawn.  His face is painted with camouflage that shows his art, much like the Native Americans painted their faces to symbolize the hunt or war.  The hunter is quiet as he patiently sits.  His eyes focus on the horizon, searching for the movement he is desperate to see.  There!  Behind that cluster of white pine.  The buck emerges in a fervent search for doe.  He fails to see anything beyond that which he seeks.  He goes left, right, left again, his nose thrust into the air searching for the scent of ANY female.  The hunter holds his breath as the deer wanders closer.  He raises his bow in preparation.  Now?  No, the buck walks behind a patch of briar and a clean shot now would be impossible.  Wait for it…wait for it…  Yes!  He’s moving again.  The hunter pulls the string back.  The deer does not know what is coming; he merely seeks a mate.  The hunter is experienced.  The arrow is quick and sure.  A straight shot through the heart and the deer knows nothing but the peace of death.  The hunter descends.  He says a prayer and thanks the animal for the life it has given so that his family might enjoy a truly earthy meal.  He bends and places a bit of grass in the mouth of the deer, a last meal for an honorable being.  The hunter begins to carve the animal, taking care not to drop anything.  A life given should never be wasted.

The Slaughter

                The farmer awakens – today is the big day.  He dresses in silence as he mentally prepares himself for the events that will soon follow.  The cattle he has been raising for months are ready to be slaughtered and sold.  He gathers his team and each man receives his role.  Some will be stunners, others will hang the animal, and still others will be in charge of the actual killing.  Each man takes his position in the slaughterhouse.  Outside, the animals wait in new pens.  They were transported here earlier this morning – any sooner and the new pen would cause too much stress for the animals.  They are given water and food to relax their nerves.  In the meantime, the crew prepares the stations.  Stunners are laid out, hooks are attached to pulleys on the ceiling, and knives are sharpened.

                The cattle are led into the slaughterhouse one by one.  First, the cow enters a stunning box.  While in this area, she cannot move and her hooves stick to the non-slip floor, an unusual sensation compared to the mud and manure she has trod upon for all her life.  A man wearing overalls and heavy boots climbs into the box with her and places a bolt gun on the cow’s forehead.  The trigger is pulled and the creature collapses onto the floor, unconscious due to the bolt that has been driven into its brain.  The floor of the stunning box is tilted, and the animal’s body slides through a trapdoor and into the next station. 

                Another man checks to see that the creature can no longer feel.  It must not be breathing, nor can it be making any noises.  If it is, it receives another bolt.

                A third man bends over the cow.  He pierces each hind leg with an enormous hook and the animal is pulled up towards the roof where it dangles, lifeless, on a pulley.  It must be hurried onto the next station – the actual death must take place before the animal regains any sort of feeling.  One minute may pass, no more.

                At the final station in the slaughterhouse, the creature loses its life.  A sharpened and clean knife is dragged across the animal’s throat.  The creature is bled until the brain has been starved of oxygen, then it is sent to the butchering area.  In a matter of minutes the flesh will be turned into steaks, chops, and ground beef, the organs may be sold as dog food or fertilizer.[10]

BUTCHERING: Any time that an animal is killed for food, it must be butchered and the meat must be processed.  Many hunters prefer to do this themselves, but some will take the animal to a local shop.  The actual butchering process is fairly similar for both creatures, although the location will differ.  A cow is butchered in the same area in which it was slaughtered.  A deer is field dressed in the woods (the internal organs are removed for cooling) and then can be butchered at home or taken to a shop.  Want to compare the processes?  Check these out.

Deer being butchered after harvest (video clip)[11]

Skinned deer being carved for processing (video clip)[12]

Cow being butchered after slaughter (video clip)[13]

Skinned cow being carved for processing (video clip)[14]

DISPERSION:   After meat has been processed, the next step is to deliver it to the public.  This plays a big factor in the meals that many families have.  Beef can be purchased at a grocery store for a fairly low cost, as can other animals raised in a CAFO environment.  Venison, on the other hand, is something you can obtain either from a specialty store or straight from the person that harvested the animal.  It is rarer to come across, but there are benefits.  Nutritional information shows that venison is actually better in terms of calorie and fat content, and instead of dealing with an impersonal grocer, you get to speak with your friend or neighbor, creating bonds between people that are shared over a good meal.

*knock on door*

*Neighbor answers*

 Hunter: Hey Ted.  Just got back from the butcher and I wanted to bring you some of those deer steaks I remembered you liked from our last party.  I got two deer this season, so I had them make a few extra for you.

Neighbor: Hey, thanks man.  You want anything for these?

Hunter: Nah.  Just enjoy.  I get my venison sticks back next weekend.  I’ll bring a few over for the kids.

Neighbor:  Thanks!

Hunter:  Have a good night.

Neighbor: See ya.

THE MEAL: Once the animals reach this point, a person’s relationship with the food depends entirely on the individual.  Some families grill, some grab fast food, some make it a point to sit at the dinner table together.  The meat being prepared does not make the dinner any different.  The person doing the cooking will choose the dinner based on a number of factors including price, flavor, size, and hopefully, if this paper has done its job, the treatment of the creature being served. 

Which will you serve tomorrow?

<http://www.calfnotes.com/pdffiles/CN009.pdf>.

[2] “Babes in Crates.” Factory Farming Campaign. Humane Society of the United States, 2009.

Web. 31 July 2010. http://www.hsus.org/farm/multimedia/gallery/cows/veal_crates.html>.

[3] “White-Tailed Deer.” NatureWorks. New Hampshire Public Television, 2010. Web. 1 Aug 2010.

                <http://www.nhptv.org/NatureWorks/whitetaileddeer.htm>.

[4] “The calf-tel pro.” Calf hutches for individual calves. Web. 28 July 2010.

<http://www.intershape.com/single%20hutches.htm>.

[5] “A fawn’s instinct.” What you should know if you find an abandoned fawn. Web. 4 Aug 2010.

<http://www.dnrec.delaware.gov/News/Pages/WhatYouShouldKnowIfYouFindaSeeminglyAbandonedFaw

n.aspx>.

[6] Pollan, Michael. Omnivore’s Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals. New York: Penguin

                Press, 78. Print.

[7] Long, Todd. Personal Interview. 10 July, 2010.

[8] “Dairy farmers drive bull market in cattle semen.” Associated Press (7/20/2006): n. pag. Web. 1

                Aug 2010. <http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13939201/>.

[9] Waimkessel, Art. Personal Interview. July 20, 2010.

[10] Chambers, P.G. “Chapter 7: Slaughter of Livestock.” Guidelines for Humane Handling,

                Transport, and Slaughter of Livestock. Regional Office for Asia and the Pacific, 2004.

                Web. July 30 2010. <http://www.fao.org/docrep/003/x6909e/x6909e09.htm>.

[11] “Butcher a deer (quick job on a small doe).” Youtube. Web. 1 Aug 2010.

                <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwXH7qQAs1I>.

[12] “How to Butcher a Deer at Home Part 1.” Youtube. Web. 4 Aug 2010.

<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzYGBNDc_xU>.

[13] “Butchering a cow.” Youtube. Web. 1 Aug 2010.

                <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABLQB38gMxc>.

[14] “Butchering #7.” Youtube. Web. 4 Aug 2010. <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUCice_AtUw>.

[15] Long, Stacey.  Meat Cart at Shurfine.  July 23, 2010.  Image

[16] Long, Stacey. Meat Rack at Shurfine with Sales.  July 23, 2010.  Image

[17] Flay, Bobby. “Green Chile Cheeseburgers.” FoodNetwork. FoodNetwork, 2010. Web. 25 July

                2010. <http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/bobby-flay/green-chile-cheeseburgers-

                recipe2/index.html>.

[18] Honeyager, Jerry. “Ground Venison Burgers.” AllRecipes. TasteofHome, 2010. Web. 25 Aug

                2010. <http://allrecipes.com//Recipe/ground-venison-burgers/Detail.aspx>.

When I arrive last to the table, with our without Patrick, their father and my husband, the men turn the television off. I, or Patrick, begin: “In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit…” Afterwards we clink glasses with “Nostrovia,” in honor of Grandma Hilinski, whose voice resonates this Polish cheer for good health from our dusty VHS wedding video.    

The men turn the television back on and continue eating the meal started before the prayer. I’ve made these concessions as the rule setter of family meals: No texting, no farting, and no blowing your nose at the table. My husband’s one rule—place your fork between your forefinger, middle finger and thumb—comes from his childhood dinners at his best friend, and our oldest son’s godfather, Mark’s house. Mark’s step-father would smack Patrick’s hand if he used a fork as a shovel. If the boys shovel food, slurp spaghetti, put their faces in their food, or drown food in ketchup, we simply state, “That’s not date material, dude.”  

In our life, family meals are as well-worn as the oak dining room table silenced four years ago when moving into a home with an eat-in-kitchen. That dining room table is thick with scars from school projects—mine and theirs. Three houses later, my sons, Alex, 17, and Shane, 15, agree that sitting down at a table to eat happens at least seven times a week.  With a father who travels for business, mealtime is often the three of us.    

American families sit down to dinner less than they did a generation ago, although there is a resurging interest in family dinners.  Time’s writer Nancy Gibb observes, “That ideal [family dinners] runs so strong and so deep in our culture and psyche that when experts talk about the value of family dinners, they may leave aside the clutter of contradictions.”[1] The contradictions lie in both what is on the table and who is sitting around it. Dinnertime rarely arrives at 5:00 p.m. after the work day, nor does the average American family look like the Cleavers.[2] The food on our table is the greatest contradiction to the American ideals of family dinner.  As marketers sell “dinnertime” as “good parenting,” our tables are filled with high fructose corn syrup, genetically modified fruits and vegetables, and feedlot beef and pork.  

New Arrangements, Same Promises  

[Joe Gring and I graduated from high school together in 1986. We reconnected as neighbors when I moved home to Reading, Pennsylvania, from Newark, Delaware. He is in a long-term relationship with Ted Vazquez and together they raise two teenage boys.]   

Joe, Angel, Ted, and Tino

 

When Ted and I set out to adopt the boys, we made sure to have dinner as a family no matter if it was at a restaurant, around the table, or around a television eating pizza. Before living with us, the boys did not have a place at their foster family’s holiday table. They were instead fed at the kitchen table while their foster family, parents, children, and grandchildren ate at the dining room table. Our two boys were able to play in the living room and then to join their foster family for dessert.

Angel just got his first part-time job at a fast food restaurant where Ted, other family members, and I worked at one point or another. Tino is now out of school and looking for that first full- time job. I work nights and week-end in retail. With all of that going on, meal time is where we still come back together as a family. Some night it’s us; other nights my mom joins us; while other nights cousins sit with us; and still other nights our boys’ friends outnumber us at the table.

We have taught them family vales though discussions and sometimes arguments at the dinner table. Dinnertime is a part of who we are as a family and who each of us is as a person. It is also, as I’ve come to believe while writing this, how Ted and I will live on through our children once we have gone from this earth.

–Joe Gring

Fridge Ethnography  

Average Grocery bill per week for a family of four: $170

At a women’s meeting where names are on a first name only basis, I met a woman who knows me from other social circles. She is a school psychologist within our sons’ school district and a member of our parish community. After sharing some troubles about my oldest son, she catches me in the parking lot. She reflects, “I’ve always admired how athletic and healthy your family looks in church.” Although we are mainly healthy eaters, evaluating my grocery bills shows that the supermarket convenience does trap us into some brand shopping.  

Trademark—Liedy’s, Stella, Boar’s Head, Great Value, Giant Brand, Yoplait, Chobani, Finest, Kellog’s, General Mills, Poptarts, Oreos, Powerade, Propel, Gaterade, Tastycake, Promax, Extreme Nos, Herr’s, Hershey’s, Stroehman, Lance,  Simply OJ, Lipton, McCormick, Bertolli, Hidden Valley, Holland House, Diamond, Gazebo, Heinz, Bisquick, Gold Medal, Healthy Harvest, Eggos, and Turkey Hill.      

Farmer’s Market Frugality   

We were Alice’s beautiful girls. Saturday mornings we met my grandmother at the Fairgrounds Market when the grocery store and bingo hall still existed where the new section of trendy, mostly prepared foods resides. At the center of the market was Neidemeyer Poultry where Rosie and Franz worked. On the many skimpy weeks, my mother bought chicken necks, eggs, and fryers. On better weeks, she bought roasters. Rosie, curly white-blond hair and big tooth smile, gave my youngest sister money for the “bullet pops” at the candy store across the aisle nearly every week (sometimes we bought the candy cigarettes). Franz taught me to swim when I entered seventh grade. My mother’s tight food budget went towards red meats sold in the very left-hand corner. Steaks were for my father. The chicken necks and chop meat were for her six kids. On good weeks, she bought potato and macaroni salad from the deli on the opposite corner from the beef stand. She bought us donuts from one baker because the other baker was a brother-in-law she didn’t like. Sometimes my grandmother gave her money. My mother always worried about enough. As teens, my mom sent us to the four corners of the farmer’s market with exact dollars. I worried about having enough. We are Alice’s daughters.  

Gardener’s Work  

Sunny spot in the backyard; wrought iron fence to keep the rabbits out

If we were only defined by our grocery store bills, our eating would appear schizophrenic. We have three kinds of eating, two driven by consumerism: health food trends and brand loyalty. The third kind of eating does underlie most of our meals but is not recorded. When moving to a new home, the first spring project was building a garden in a sunny spot.  

Kitchen garden--basil by the door

April-May: Asparagus, Lettuce, Sugar Snap Peas  

May-June: Strawberries, Onions, Broccili  

July – August: Zucchini, Raspberries, Tomatoes, Peppers, Green Beans  

Raspberries  

Kitchen Garden  

Basil  

Cucumbers, successive planting for longer harvest

Sage  

Rosemary  

Cilantro  

Dill  

Chives  

Tomatoes  

Seeded, sanguine   

Bubbling, boiling, bottling  

Ant’s August for January Joy  

Sauce    

Summer Sauce on the Kitchen Table

 

 

Quick Summer Sauce         

Clean, remove stems, and core eight large, ripe Brandywine (or some other slicing) tomatoes.  

 

Clean, remove stems, and cut the tops off four cups of Roma tomatoes.        

Cut into chunks four banana and two bell peppers.        

Cut into chunks one large sweet onion.        

Strip two whole garlic cloves.  

Grab a handful of basil leaves from kitchen garden.    

Add all ingredients to food processor and blend until smooth. Uncooked sauce will be pink. Cook sauce on high until a rolling boil in a thick-bottom stock pot. Add 2/3 cup sugar. Return to boil. Wisk 1/2 cup of cooking sherry into rolling boil. Add three nice bay leaves. Wisk in 8 oz can of tomato paste to thicken. Add salt and pepper to taste. Let sauce simmer on stove for forty-five minutes to an hour until deep red. Stir frequently with wooden spoon. Use this time to cook whole wheat angel hair pasta and make meatballs.   Measurements are approximate.  Refrigerate sauce and use within a week. Otherwise freeze.         

Marketing the Cheap, Fast Meal  

First Lady Michele Obama launched “Childhood Obesity Action Plan” to fight the childhood obesity epidemic, 1 in 5 children between the ages of 6 – 19 are overweight, in May 2010. One of the main thrusts of this campaign is to reduce added sugars hidden in processed foods. The goal of this program is to reduce childhood obesity to just 5 percent of the population by 2030.[3]    

My sons are not obese because they care about taste and not feeling lousy the next day.  Rarely do they eat McDonald’s as both swim intense yards each day, burning upwards of 1500 calories during two and half-hour practices. When they arrive home after practice at 6:30 p.m., they are starving for a “real” dinner. “Cardboard box” dinners do not satisfy them, nor does Campbell’s soup. (The only card box dinner they eat is pizza from Mama Maria’s, a restaurant around the corner.)  They may not like lima beans but they’ll eat them. Over the years, their taste for whole wheat and multigrain pastas, in season vegetables and fruits, and fresh frozen vegetables grew out of an athletes’ hunger. McDonald’s, and fast food in general, slows them down.  

What is ironic about Ms. Obama’s well-intentioned program is a seemingly blind eye to the governments’ culpability of increasing kids’ waistlines. Until the government reduces subsidies on corn crops, farmers will continue to plant this high yield crop. It’s wonderful for Mrs. Obama to plant a garden at the White House, but fundamental change for fighting childhood obesity is rooted in children consuming processed foods filled with High Fructose Corn Syrup.  

High Fructose Corn Syrup [HFCS] enhances flavor and acts as preservative in most processed foods. Nutrition researchers Kiyah J Duffey and Barry M. Popkin report an increase in HFCS in our foods from 1991-2000. Consumers ate an average of 550 calories of HFCS per day.[4] HFCS is a hydrolysis, or a breaking apart of hydrogen from oxygen in a water molecule, between glucose and fructose. The glucose is converted into fructose, which is far sweeter than glucose. Nutrition researchers George A Bray, Samara Joy Nielsen and Barry M. Popkin observe, “The development of these inexpensive, sweet corn-based syrups made it profitable to replace sucrose (sugar) and simple sugars with HFCS in our diet, and they now represent 40% of all added caloric sweeteners.” [5] Fructose is also hard on our bodies. HFCS are resistant to insulin, or in other words, do not break down in the body like simple sugars. This is why we are seeing an increase in diabetes in children.  

If small children eat mainly processed foods and drink soda, they are more likely to crave and consume these foods and beverages as teens. Therefore, dinnertime helps children’s tastes develop so that when they are teens, and away from the dinner table more often, they make healthier food choices.  Although it would be nice to microwave a frozen dinner or stop at McDonald’s, my teens depend upon meals that have carbohydrates, proteins, and greens. Rarely, do we have soda in the house because of its HFCS content.   

Teenage Avatars  

Growing up is getting buzzed in  

at all public school doors;  

growing up is shrugging off iPod thieves  

and dodging school slogans like  

DARE and No Place for Hate;  

growing up is accepting too young  

that life is no longer lived  

without a helmet, a mouth guard, a condom,  

and a building permit.  

In an age of gym bag ferment,  

They stash smoke in the porch eaves  

to get high at school lunch that  

softens their anger at boredom,  

            softens the throb of visceral and vital—  

Their tangibles reduced to thumbs,  

these teen age avatars  

chew like termites at the foundation of another  

dimension, annoyingly hungry for a soul  

they sense like the privacy penumbra in the Bill of Rights;  

yet, they expel their will on weightless information,  

and watch canned catastrophe via T.V., all to wonder,  

if GAME OVER will be the cyberspace ceiling  

collapsing from their virtual matter.  

   

The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse [CASA]  

CASA, a non-profit research group out of Columbia University, produced a series of reports on the correlation between frequent family dinners and resistance to substance abuse over the past decade. In the 2007 report, CASA surveyed 1063, 12- 17-year-old teens and 550 parents, more than half these parents belong to the teens who completed the survey. Eighty-four percent of teens prefer to have dinner with family, although 62 percent have less than three meals a week with family.  

Teens who do not eat frequently (less than three meals) with family are three times more likely to have abused prescription drugs, smoked marijuana, and tried a stronger illegal drug. These teens are twice as likely to have drunk alcohol within 30 days of answering the survey. One of CASA’s findings stands out: More than half of the teen respondents thought the best time to talk to parents was over dinner. Dinner was also the place that teens—52 percent—received anti-drug messages from parents[6]  

Teenage Boy Reflections  

 

 

Alex, Shane, Frank on the kitchen stoop

At dinner everyone catches up on each others lives and talks about their day. It is a basic need for building a relationship with the kids as they grow older. ~Alex Corbett, 17  

 

 

 

Frank, Russell, and Alex

 

  

 Dinner means cured hunger and calmed mind, knowing everyone is okay in more means than just physically and mentally but okay with each other. It’s time to sit, relax, and talk. ~Shane Corbett, 15  

Everyone wants those actual dream dinners were the whole family is talking about personal lives but for many teenage boys, including me, I only tell half of what I am actually thinking and feeling. So dinner to me is just another part of the day where the family gets together for a good time but there rarely is that emotional bull crap. ~Frank Eichorn, 16   

My dinners are often thrown in a microwave and then gobbled down on the way to some event; what is significant in that?  And yet, something inside of me feels that there must be more than meets the eye to this process. One dinner is particularly well-known:  Jesus’ last meal with his disciples.  This meal plays a large role in the bible leading up to Jesus’ crucifixion.  Jesus breaks the bread and pours the wine, and, through the meal, creates a tradition that to this day exists.  Considering this, it is impractical to think dinner insignificant.  Dinner obviously has a higher, more important purpose than to feed us; and yet for the life of me I cannot figure it out.  One thing is for certain; as things are modernized and advanced, we no longer have time for a nice, old-fashioned meal together as a family.  –Russell Lambert, 15  

In the Name of the Mother  

Wide open corn fields behind us and a tricky river in front of us, yet dinner at Box 277A, RD5, squeezed silence into supper.  We surrounded the kitchen table with scratched desk chairs from the bedrooms; the youngest sat at the corners on either side of her.  

We had to wait for him to leave to talk to our mother at the same time. She made us “call the floor” for our turn to speak, and we yelled, pinched, and accused one another when jipped. She threatened the spoon and we knew it was real business when she twirled her tongue like a bow tie in her teeth. We would stop.    

As each child moved out at eighteen, another daughter prepared supper. I learned to make pot roast, tomato soup, meat loafs, grill cheeses, and baked chicken from my mother who prepared some of the supper before leaving for work in the morning.  We didn’t play sports because we had to be home afterschool to be housewives while my mother ran a business.  

 

I hate “suppertime.”   

We would be smacked in the mouth if we called it “dinnertime.” Dinnertime, according to my father, meant you were getting “too big for your britches.” Rich people called the evening meal dinnertime.  

I love dinnertime with my kids.  

 

 

 

---

 

[1] Gibbs, Nancy. “The Magic of the Family Meal.” Time.com. 4 June 2006. Web. http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1200760,00.html  

[2] “Leave it to Beaver.” American sitcom in the 1950s – 60s. The Cleavers represented the “ideal family” of its era.   

[3] Sweet, Lynn. “Michele Obama Unveils Anti-childhood Obesity Plan.” Politics Daily.  2 May 2010. Web. <http://www.politicsdaily.com/2010/05/11/michelle-obama-unveils-anti-childhood-obesity-action-plan/>  

[4] Duffey, Kiyah J. and Barry M. Popkin. “Supplement:High Fructose Corn Syrup Everything you wanted to Know, but Were Afraid to Ask.”  American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. 88:6(2008) 1772S-1732S. Web. <http://www.ajcn.org/cgi/content/full/88/6/1722S>  

[5] Bray, George A., Samara Joy Nielsen and Barry M Popkin. “Consumption of High Fructose Corn Syrup in Beverages May Play a Role in Epidemic of Diabetes.” American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. 79:4(2004) 537-543. Web. <http://www.ajcn.org/cgi/content/full/79/4/537>   

[6] The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University. “The Importance of Family Dinners IV.” (2007, Sept.) 1 – 22. Web. <http://www.casacolumbia.org/templates/Publications_Reports.aspx#r8>  

 

  

  

Starting up….Step on…oh! First, can you tell me how heavy your clothes are? (±0, ±2, ±4 lbs.) Great! Now, stand with your feet spread equally apart! Release the tension in your shoulders and relax. Measuring….measuring…measuring…all done! The red line I’m about to trace shows the shift in your center of balance…Oh! Your center of balance is slightly to the left. Did you know that placing more weight on one leg can cause back problems? (Continue to BMI) Oh! That’s obese! You’ve gained *.** lbs since last time! Now try to think of a reason for your weight gain. (Overindulged, late dinner, indigestion, bloating, gas.) How did I get myself into this mess? 

Sneak Attacks 

Dinnertime at my house was always a strange affair. Mom would rarely make a packaged meal. We might have ham with homemade mashed potatoes and corn, or sausage with homemade mashed potatoes and Campbell’s baked beans, or spaghetti with homemade pasta sauce. In the summer we’d have the treat of corn on the cob. Mom always tried to make the meal so I would eat it, but every once in awhile, she’d sneak something fishy in there. Not fish fishy, strange fishy. One time it was Brussels’ sprouts. Ewww! They were green, looked like tiny cabbages and smelled like dirty feet! I wasn’t touching those! I was a self-proclaimed cookie monster. But, Mom would ask me to eat a few and I would attempt to oblige, though usually at a pace that guaranteed they’d be stone cold by the time I could put one in my mouth. And then dad would get involved, and this is where the whole ordeal became strange. “You’re not leaving this table until you finish your Brussels’ sprouts!” he’d tell me. So what did I do? I did what every red-blooded American kid does when they don’t get their way: I sat at the table for the next three hours. At one point they even turned the dining room light off on me. Not cool. Not cool at all.  

C is for cookie![1] 

“Cookie Monster is a voracious monster and one of the main characters on Sesame Street. Covered with blue fur and possessing a pair of googly eyes, Cookie Monster has an insatiable appetite. As his name implies, his primary craving is cookies, but he can (and often does) consume anything and everything, from apples and pie to letters, flatware, and hubcaps. Usually when he eats something, he makes loud munching noises, usually like “AWWWWM-num-num-num-num…”  

……………………………………………………………………… 

To counter concerns that the character encourages poor eating habits, a number of “Healthy Habits for Life” segments and plotlines were introduced in Season 36, in which Cookie encourages viewers to eat a balanced diet, and enjoy cookies as a “sometimes food.” However, the idea of Cookie Monster setting a good example for children with respect to their eating habits has been used since the 1970s, with public service announcements and individual sketches (most notably the rap spoof “Healthy Food“).  

However, the move toward highlighting healthy eating habits in 2005 led to a persistent rumor circulating in the media and on the internet that Cookie Monster would be dropped from the show, or renamed “Veggie Monster.” Sesame Street poked fun at the media firestorm in a Season 37 episode. In a sketch in episode 4115, Matt Lauer of The Today Show confronts Cookie Monster about the rumors that he’s giving up cookies and becoming a “Fruit Monster.” Cookie Monster refutes the rumor, explaining that he eats the fruit first, and then has cookies for dessert. Cookie Monster also says that the media is always blowing things out of proportion. (See Is Cookie Monster now the Veggie Monster? for more.)” 

Mom’s Chocolate Chip Cookies (AKA Nestle’s recipe) 

Ingredients 

• 2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened
• 3/4 cup granulated sugar
• 3/4 cup packed brown sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2 large eggs
• 2 cups (12-oz. pkg.) NESTLÉ® TOLL HOUSE® Semi-Sweet Chocolate Morsels
• 1 cup chopped nuts

 Directions 

PREHEAT oven to 375° F. 

COMBINE flour, baking soda and salt in small bowl. Beat butter, granulated sugar, brown sugar and vanilla extract in large mixer bowl until creamy. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Gradually beat in flour mixture. Stir in morsels and nuts. Drop by rounded tablespoon onto ungreased baking sheets.
BAKE for 9 to 11 minutes or until golden brown. Cool on baking sheets for 2 minutes; remove to wire racks to cool completely. 

Eating Note: These are especially yummy when eaten warm and sneakily with a glass full of milk. Eating five or six at a time won’t hurt…at least not if you’re active, or if no one knows. 

Wii Fit: Single-leg Extension 

Count with me! One-two-one-two. Your legs are shaking! Try strengthening your core muscles to stabilize your body. This is insane! Did my M&M’s really do ALL this???? 

M&M’s (A poem for my momma) 

I jump off the bus 

And dash home, 

Eager to see you. 

You’re always there 

Waiting, with a  

Glass of milk and a  

Bowl of M&M’s. 

Even the day I forgot my lunchbox 

On the bus 

And was crying so hard 

I ran into the wall and bent 

My glasses, you had the milk 

And M&M’s ready. 

You’re always there to  

Make it all better. 

I wish I could do 

The same for you. 

Dinnertime Litany 

CLEAN YOUR PLATE! THERE ARE CHILDREN STARVING IN [insert country/continent of choice]! 

“Eat It”[2] 

Wii Fit: Tricep Extension 

On the first whistle, lower your arm and on the second whistle, raise it! Count with me! This exercise is popular because it helps tone your upper arms. But chocolate is so yummy! I don’t want to give it up! 

Dark Chocolate is Healthy[3] 

“How is dark chocolate healthy? 

Chocolate is made from plants, which means it contains many of the health benefits of dark vegetables. These benefits are from flavonoids, which act as antioxidants. Antioxidants protect the body from aging caused by free radicals, which can cause damage that leads to heart disease. Dark chocolate contains a large number of antioxidants (nearly 8 times the number found in strawberries). Flavonoids also help relax blood pressure through the production of nitric oxide, and balance certain hormones in the body. 

Other Benefits of Dark Chocolate: 

Chocolate also holds benefits apart from protecting your heart: 

• it tastes good
• it stimulates endorphin production, which gives a feeling of pleasure
• it contains serotonin, which acts as an anti-depressant
• it contains theobromine, caffeine and other substances which are stimulants”

A Shift in the Dinnertime Ritual 

Somewhere along the line, we stopped eating at the dinner table. I don’t remember if it was after the disastrous Brussels’ sprouts ordeal or if it was later than that. But somewhere, sometime, we started eating in front of the television. Five o’clock was when M*A*S*H came on. My parents had both watched it when it was on originally and I found myself watching it with them. Mom would still cook the same delicious meals, but we would get our food on our plates and migrate out to the living room, where we would plant ourselves for the next hour or so and watch Hawkeye, Trapper (or B.J.) and Henry Blake (or Colonel Potter) try to deal with whatever hi-jinks happened to be on the agenda for the episode. I couldn’t possibly tell you what I ate, but I can tell you every single thing that happened in those episodes. The meals were washed away in the glow of a cathode-ray tube. 

Dinnertime for College Kids 

JE: Geez, look at the line! 

AF: I know! It’s always so ridiculously long at this time of night! 

JE: At least we’re moving…thank goodness, we’re finally in. 

AF: Yeah. What do you think you’ll have tonight? 

JE: I dunno. I’m going to take a walk and see what’s up. 

AF: Alright. I’ll meet up with you in a few! 

JE: Chicken, ew…steak, ew…pasta, ew… looks like it’s going to be another triple-decker peanut butter sandwich, pink lemonade and chocolate sundae night…sigh… 

AF: What’s up? Is that all you’re eating again? 

JE: I miss my mom’s cooking.  

Wii Fit: Basic Run 

Try to stay behind the Mii in front of you. Try to jog at an even pace. You’re pace is unsteady! Swing your arms to burn extra calories! How can an extra few snacks have turned me into THIS?! 

Frat Girl tricks 

You’ll never guess what I can do! Observe as I invert this bottle of Hershey’s chocolate syrup over my open mouth and SQUEEZE!!!!!!! 

Shopping Trip/Girls’ Night Out!!!! 

Ohmigod that is the cutest shirt ever! Oh you look absolutely awesome in peach! It totally brings out your eyes! Michael will absolutely love you in this! What, really? Shut up! You think I should try it? It is the cutest skirt I’ve ever seen! Alright, I’ll try it. Let me find a dressing room…you’re kidding! They broke up! No way! I can’t believe that! I thought for sure they’d get…what? Almost! I think I grabbed the wrong size…No I don’t think we’re going to the beach this year, it’s way too expensive. Ohmigod…is that really my ass?  

Wii Fit: You’ve Got to Fight It, Rocky! 

Just watch my moves, first. Right left right block, left right left block. Now you try. Right left right block, left right left block. Fight the fat! 

How do I stop it?![4] 

“I asked Donna Boyd about her suggestions for a healthy lifestyle. ‘I always tell people to take baby steps. Just do one thing at a time or you won’t stick with it.’ That is definitely good advice.” 

MSN reports[5] 

“A new report on American eating habits reveals that almost a quarter of the calories we consume come from nutrient-poor selections – better known as “junk food. According to the responses, soft drinks are the number one source of calories. They accounted for 7.1 percent of the calories these people consumed in 1999–2000. Altogether, the categories of soft drinks, sweets and desserts, and alcoholic beverages contributed 23.8 percent of the calories that these survey respondents consumed. Salty snacks and fruit-flavored drinks added another five percent of calories. Another study looking only at youths aged 8 to 18 reports similar findings. Candy, table sugar, sweetened drinks, baked and dairy desserts, salty snacks, fatty foods like butter and gravy, along with some other nutrient-poor foods made up more than 30 percent of the calories these youths consumed. In fact, desserts and table sweeteners alone comprised almost 25 percent of the total calories. Furthermore, those who ate the most junk food tended to eat the least amount of nutrient-dense, healthful foods. They took in less vitamins A, B-6 and folate, as well as calcium, magnesium, iron and zinc.” 

“Fat”[6] 

Nightly College Ritual 

1. Walk back from class
2. Sit in front of  computer.
3. Chat with friends for about half an hour.
4. Grab a handful of cookies and some milk.
5. Work on homework and chat with friends while mindlessly shoving cookies in face.
6. Run out of milk, head back to the kitchen for a Coke.
7. Realize I can’t drink the Coke without having something salty to eat with it.
8. Grab a box of Cheez-its.
9. Return to room with snack in hand, resume homework and chatting.
10. Mindlessly shove Cheez-its and Coke in face.
11. About four hours later, realize the box is empty and I’ve had three cans of Coke.
12. Brush teeth and go to bed.

Wii Fit: Rhythm Boxing 

Step back left left right right left left block. Step back right right left left right right block. Punch from the hip! Ohmigod this is insane! I’m going to have a heart-attack at this rate! Did I start eating more? Did my metabolism drop? What happened to me!? 

Dear Diary, 

I’m not sure when I stopped thinking about what I ate. I guess I always sort of figured I’d be able to eat anything I wanted forever and stay the same size. I always had a ghetto booty, and that probably should have been my first hint that I would not stay skinny forever. I think the major turning point was college. I hated the food there and so ate nothing but crap for the first year. Then my old habits of eating in front of the television kicked in and I would find myself eating on autopilot as I tried to complete an assignment, or watch TV, or read a book. I never really knew what I was putting in my mouth. The last straw was probably the fact that I stopped doing anything. I was always so tired from work that I never rode my bike, I was too old to go out and play, and all of my friends were in the same boat as me. None of us had time to do any of the things we did when we were young…and skinny. I’m sure the “happy plate” mentality kicked in at some point, especially when I was living in Maryland on my own and had to pay for all the food I ate. I started seeing it as wasteful to not eat all of it and so I did. And so I do. It’s hard to deprogram yourself after years of constant reminders, but I think it’s much harder to get rid of the weight that you put on when that programming gets the better of you. I’ll continue to do my thirty-minute Wii Fit Plus workouts. I’ll continue to take the abuse of a stupid board with nothing but a bunch of wiring. I’ll continue to try my hardest to follow my WeightWatchers and only eat 1200 calories a day (even though I used to be eating 2400 at least). And I’ll even try to enjoy riding my bike uphill both ways (it’s amazing, but true; the bike path near my new apartment has an incline at both ends…booo!!!) But I think the journey back is going to be much harder than the journey here, and I really don’t like difficult road trips.

[1] “Cookie Monster – Muppet Wiki.” Muppet Wiki. N.p., n.d. Web. 26 July 2010. 

[2] Yankovic, Weird Al. “WEIRD AL YANKOVIC – EAT IT.” YouTube.com, n.d. Web. 2 Aug. 2010. 

[3] Stibich, Mark, Ph.D.. “Chocolate – Health Benefits of Chocolate.” Longevity, Anti-Aging and You – Healthy Aging, Longevity, and Anti Aging. Version na. About.com, n.d. Web. 22 July 2010. 

[4] Keck, Jessica. “Healthy Living from the Peace Frog.” Interview. 

[5] Collins, Karen, R.D.. “Junk food makes up quarter of U.S. diet – Health – Diet and nutrition – Nutrition Notes – msnbc.com.” Breaking News, Weather, Business, Health, Entertainment, Sports, Politics, Travel, Science,Technology, Local, US & World News- msnbc.com. MSN, 2004. Web. 9 July 2010. 

[6] Yankovic, Weird Al. “WEIRD AL YANKOVIC – FAT.” YouTube.com, n.d. Web. 2 Aug. 2010.

by Destiny Van Kooten

July 18, 2009: The Proposal from a hotel in the Bronx

Dale dials & listens to phone ring.
His mom: Hello?
Dale: It’s Dale.
His mom: Well????
Dale: She said “yes!”

Champagne toast at Bourbon Street Inn

The proposal on one-knee occurred before we left the hotel to fill our reservation for dinner at Bourbon Street Inn, a delicious restaurant in New York City. Our Broadway tickets for The Little Mermaid were secured in my purse to end the evening.

After the whirlwind of that summer, another year of teaching, and seemingly endless planning, I have to pause.

“The Nuclear Family”

[i]

I was not raised in a nuclear family. My family was “nuked” after a nasty divorce and my mom burning her and my father’s mattress in the backyard. It was the new bra-burning.

I don’t have fond memories of dinner time.

Non-Fond Food Memory #1:
“At Least He Has a Name Before He Dies”

Eulogy for David

Although my dad and I share the same birthday,
we do not share the love of lobster.
This year, we say our farewell to David the Lobster,
who lived an extraordinary sea-life before
entering the magnified glass-case at the store.
David, your dark eyes looked at me lovingly
as I peered into the plastic container on our way home.
The party balloons, streamers, food, and cake,
didn’t seem as shimmering as I watched my father
hold you high over his head in triumph.
“David the Lobster!!!”
Today was our birthday,
Today was your deathday.

Non-Fond Food Memory #2:
Shanklish Cheese

“Shanklish is a cheese native to Syria, Lebanon and Turkey.” Well, it should stay there. I was only about nine or ten

Shanklish in its foul, rancid, nastiness

when my father brought the circular disc of cheese home prepared to attempt a unique dish. My curiosity kept me in the kitchen, staring nervously at the counter. As my father began to cook, a rancid odor attacked my nostrils and sent me into the panic. I covered my face in an effort to block the stench but it can hardly be described. I begged my father to cease his efforts and air out the house. As the cheese began to cook further the smell stung my eyes. I bolted to the other end of the house, slammed my bedroom door, and began shoving clothing and towels under the door to prevent any “Shanklish leakage” into my bedroom. After several minutes I realized my efforts were useless as the odor crept into my room and took over my life. I began to sob, uncontrollably. I had a temper tantrum that I will never forget. I was thrashing around on my bed, pounding the walls with my fists, and screaming until my throat was raw, “IT’S COMING THROUGH THE WALLS, DAD!!!” I was crying so strongly I was choking and gagging, screaming until the words would barely escape. It is said that, “Shanklish that is dried and aged for a period of time becomes progressively harder and begins to acquire an extremely pungent odour and flavor.” Who would be able to endure the smell long enough to even want to remotely consider INGESTING it?!?! I am baffled. “The actual method of making it is tedious and painstakingly long. Shanklish is an ancient cheese which used to be made and then buried in the hot desert sand for a year to mature and age.[ii]” Leave it under the dirt, for God’s sake, leave it under the dirt!!

Non-Fond Food Memory #3:
The Juxtaposition of the Two Cooks on Venture Court

Sitting at the kitchen table coloring, waiting anxiously to see if mom pulls out the Hamburger Helper box. She heads for the freezer, let it be the beef! But slapped on the counter, a rock-solid mass in pink Styrofoam, a coiled hell-meat: sausage. I begin scribbling furiously with the robin’s egg blue. I hate, I hate, I HATE mom’s sausage!!!!

It  boils in the fry pan, with water—no spices. I stand on my tip-toes to watch it die (again) and the beads of water evaporate with bubbling hiss.
“Mom!!! The sausage is burning! [Under my breath] Again.”
“No, it’s fine, it needs to cook for a few more minutes.”
Few more minutes—smoke alarm
“Destiny, why didn’t you tell me it was burning?!?!”
The brick red crayon gets all the glory now—scribble, scribble, scribble.
I eat a roll, no sausage between, and a handful of chips.

Hours later, mom gets ready for night-shift, dad comes home (in his super-hero cape) and sees the covered pan on the stove (yes, it’s still sitting out) then he looks at me. I nod. He knows it was sausage night. He knows he has work ahead of him.

Sitting at the kitchen table working on homework I wait anxiously to watch dad in all his cooking glory. He heads for the spice cabinet and pulls out many bottles of things I can’t pronounce. Slapped on the counter is the cheese, sauce, and his wallet. I begin (pretending) I’m doing my homework. I love, I love, I LOVE dad’s version!!!!

It sizzles in the fry pan, with oils and spices. I stand on my tip-toes to watch it come alive and the tinge of color beginning to form on the coiled surface (mom’s chunk missing).
“Dad, it smells great!”
“It needed some doctor-ing, that’s all.”
Doctor-ing, is that a word? I’ll use it at school tomorrow.
“Why does yours taste different?”
“Sometimes people forget the best part of any recipe, grab my wallet.”
“Huh??”
He opens it wide and says,
“Pull the love out, Destiny. That’ s the secret ingredient.”
[Looking down into the black empty pit of his wallet, then back up at him] “Dad, it’s empty.”
“No it’s not! Look again! Pull the love out”
[A little hand reaches in, swirls around and around looking for it, then grabs it!]
“Now sprinkle it around the whole pan.”
I did.
Few more minutes—heaven in a roll
I eat a roll, chopped sausage between, and nothing else.

I attempt to take food preparation into my own childlike hands:

Beloved Beefaroni

My childhood food-affair with Mr. Chef Boyardee began with Beefaroni. My summer days were mostly spent “alone” in the house because that was mom’s bedtime after a long night shift and she was to be woken “only in emergencies.” The product line was a result of Ettore Boiadri’s successful restaurant in Cleveland where all the customers begged and pleaded for recipes and ingredients. While the canned line of Boiadri’s pastas were originally only produced for our military, they eventually made their way into American households and into my tummy (& heart)[iii].

Family Dinner Polls–Then & Now

Daily schedule of my mother when I was a teenager:

This woman was busy. Dinner took the back burner. It was only the two of us, anyway.

As a young adult, I wanted to help my mother and me in our adventure to live as independent women. This help came in the form of various jobs that left me with even more terrible food memories and a bad taste in my mouth.

PaPa’s Restaurant—HELP WANTED: Female servers, under 18, physique for tight black pants and tight white shirt, must endure bullshit from Greek owner with nothing better to do than sit at the pie bar staring, yelling, and deducting every accident from your (measly) pay.  Inquire within.

Not yet sixteen, already nervous.
His dark eyes stare from the pie counter,
rubbing his olive-skinned face. He’d like desert.
My first tray out the double doors,
catch his glare from the corner of my eye,
the spaghetti smashes against the tile.
Deduct $7.95 from tips tonight and now my
tight white shirt is stained.
Behind the freezer his Greek tongue
lashes his submissive wife with insults
(I assume), and she yells with her eyes
to get out of the kitchen.
Endless, endless, endless Oldies music,
toothless gums chew tapioca,
gray salad in piss-poor lighting,
(other) servers flirt to get their way.
Dishwashers wink, display their
half-rotten teeth, missing the food-encrusted
knives.
Fill ranch cups and shakers,
scrub tables, fill coffees.
Run garbage out to
table 6 and wipe the beads of sweat.
Collect tips change at the
end of another night, count it
while he watches every move.
His large hands with the
uncut fingernails steal from
the pile to compensate for
our mistakes.
Clock out, mom asks,
“Are you hungry?”
Hell no.

Hooters Air Criticized for Not Serving Famous Hot Wings

The families and business passengers file down the runway toward us.
“So, you servin’ wings on these flights or what?”
No, I’m sorry. [Smile]
“Hey! We’re getting some Hooters wings on the flight, right?”
No, I’m sorry. [Smile]
“Ohhhh yeah! I can’t wait to get my hands on some wings on this flight. Hope they have bibs! You got bibs?”
No, I’m sorry. [Smile]

Good morning, I’m Destiny and this is Vanessa. We will be your Hooters Air girls today on flight 323 with service to Myrtle Beach. If there is anything we can do to make your flight more comfortable, please don’t hesitate to…–rudely interrupted–SERVE US WINGS!!—[plaster on the smile again]…please don’t hesitate to ask one of us. Sit back. Relax. And enjoy your flight.

Pilot: “Hi Folks, welcome aboard flight 323 today with service to Myrtle Beach. We have b-e-a–utiful flying conditions today so we should have a smooth ride. We have reached altitude of 10,000 feet so you are free to move about the cabin. Ding.

Vanessa and I begin lunch service. On an airplane. A chicken wrap or roast beef sandwich, bag of chips, choice of macaroni or potato salad, juice, coffee, or soda. On an airplane.
“Where are the wings? What the hell is this? A wrap?”
“You ain’t serving wings on this flight? This isn’t Hooters.”
“Aw man, I was sure I was going to have wings on this flight. I told all my buddies you’d serve wings.”
“You girls are good for two things—wings and wings—where are they??”

YOU’RE NOT GETTING WINGS ON AN AIRPLANE!!

Have it [Poor] Way!

A Tuesday: “Would you like to try a value meal today?” I ask, knowing her answer. In her wrinkle-free blue polo, khakis, curled hair, and yellow, Best Buy name tag: Destiny. I know she’ll get the #4, with ranch.
A Thursday: “Would you like to try…oh, a #4?” She nods with a smile.
A Saturday: “Would you like try a value meal today?” She enters with several co-workers, looking more optimistic. She only orders a Hershey pie today and sits in a booth with the other blue-shirts, laughing.
Another Tuesday: “Hi, would you like to try a value meal today?” For the first time she looks directly at me and says, “I have to start packing my lunches.”

The equation I have to face:
Five and a half years at Best Buy eating Burger King (at least) twice a week:
$5.29 (#4)
+ $5.29 (#4)
+  $.99 (the pie)
= $11.57
x 52 weeks
= $601.64
x5.5 years
=$3,309.02!!!!!!!!!

Talk about flushing my money away. They should change the slogan to: Home of the Hopper

While punching in and punching out at these seemingly endless jobs, one of my college roommates gave me my first real taste (literally) of what family dinner might be like. As roomies, we turned in our food dining plans and opted to cook together (aka, watch our most talented chef Sarah cook). We would share unforgettable memories, agree, disagree, laugh, cry, and somewhere in between–eat.

Blue Lake Cut

Ingredients:
3 roommates                                         1 Bathroom full of makeup
4 closets of clothes to share            100 dollars combined
4 place settings                                    1 Sarah Iresabel to cook a pre-party meal
1 dozen pre-game beers                    1 bottle of wine (mine, only mine)
4 Shorty’s hand-stamps                    Endless nights to remember

Directions: Sarah will cook up a delicious meal of chicken, potatoes, and Blue Lake Cut green beans, while the roommates watch curiously. All roommates will run back and forth between bedrooms half-dressed, searching for the perfect top. Twist off beer caps and enjoy. Use cork-screw to open wine just for Destiny, she’ll enjoy. Apply too much makeup because Shorty’s lighting makes that acceptable. Dump all contents of our purses onto the couch and swap glosses and gum. Check for the third time that I.D.’s are inside.  Hear Sarah call for the second time, “Dinner is ready, sexy bitches!” Click, click, click our way to the dinner table and seat ourselves at our place settings. Clink, clink, clink of our bottles (and glass)—a toast to another delicious meal and sustenance for a long night ahead. Repeat as necessary.

Graduating college meant one thing: independence. My first apartment on my own and the realization that  I didn’t own one pot, pan, or piece of Tupperware. I’m not the cooking type. I moved out of my college apartment and watched everything kitchen related move out in boxes that weren’t going in my U Haul. I didn’t mind. The freezer section of the grocery store, the local Chinese restaurant, and frequent visits to households with real food would get me by…right?

Craigslist: Catasauqua 1 BR, Victorian home, stained glass windows, HW floors—charm, charm, charm

Landlord: We pay cable, hot water, sewer, garbage, and trash—let’s go up and take a look. But, uh, I’m going to warn you about the kitchen first. It’s…different.
Me: Oh, I bet it’s fine.  Thinking: my apartment now has avocado appliances from the 50’s—what could be worse?
Landlord: [beckoning me in first] So here’s the living room, that way is the bedroom, and…well, here’s what we call the, “One-ass kitchen”. [Looks embarrassed]
Me: [beaming] I love it! I don’t cook anyway!

My 3' x 6' kitchen

I begin daydreaming of Sex in the City, role tape:

 BIG
I can build you a better closet.
Carrie looks at him; aghast. He smiles.
BIG (CONT'D)
Welcome home, baby.
 CARRIE
Can we afford this?
BIG
I got it. 
Carrie screams with joy and shock. He laughs, thrilled
17   EXT. NYC STREET/CHRISTIE'S AUCTION HOUSE -- DAY -- SUMMER 17
Carrie, Miranda and Charlotte walk down the street.

 CARRIE
"I got it." Just like that. "I got
it" -- like he was picking up the
check for coffee or something.
 CHARLOTTE
It sounds perfect.
 CARRIE
Except for the closet which Big
says he can redo -- also he says
the kitchen needs work but I don't
know about that `cause I keep
sweaters in my stove.
Carrie and Charlotte laugh.[iv]

Me: So, Cliff, how many closets did you say there were in this apartment?
Landlord: [rubs the back of his neck] Only one.
Me: [eyes-up the little stove] I’ll take it!
[They shake]
From One-Ass to Walk-in—it’s all in the eye of the beholder.

So, I don’t cook. Big deal. As I transitioned from free-spirited college student to fatigued public school teacher, I begin to realize something may be missing in my students’ lives. Something big. Who killed family dinner?

The Reason for Deteriorating Classrooms Across America
Period 5/6—42 minutes of Hell

*Warning*: Nothing you are about to read has actually transpired with the exception of inside my fatigued, frustrated, and ready-to-throw-in-the-towel, mind.

Miss Van Kooten: Why is your child so mean?!?! To me, to everyone?!
Parent: He isn’t mean, he is misunderstood.
Miss Van Kooten: He doesn’t follow directions, he disrupts the class every 16 seconds (I have timed this) and he does not care about anyone or anything and blatantly tells me so!
Parent: He cares about being heard.
Miss Van Kooten: OH! I hear him, alright. And his pen-tapping, fart noises, chirps, noises that imitate the word “Jew” to insult (student who-shall-not-be-named), scribbles across my desks, shoe scraping, snickering, and while we’re at it, BREATHING!
Parent: Well, you have to get creative.
Miss Van Kooten fire-breathing: I AM MISS CREATIVE! While I was running a Renaissance Faire this year since we couldn’t go on the field trip, your son glued masquerade mask decorations TO HIS FACE! He doesn’t give a &!*% about creative.
Parent: He doesn’t get along with many of the kids at school.
Miss Van Kooten: That’s because he bullies them, pushes them around, spits on them, humiliates them, pushes their last buttons, and disrupts the one class the students actually ENJOY coming to: MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Parent: What have you tried with my son?
Miss Van Kooten: Let me be clear, I have abandoned—yes, abandoned—teaching your son English this year and I’m trying to teach him to be a civilized, empathetic, and half-decent person. He needs instruction in manners and kindness—not his core subjects right now. WHY?!?!?!?! WHY ISN’T HE LEARNING THIS AT HOME?!?!?!
Parent: We’re having problems at home.
Miss Van Kooten: I’m having problems at home. Try me.
Parent: We don’t have family dinner anymore.

In my mind I exaggerate the notion that many of my students are bullies of the worst kind simply because they don’t have family dinner.

Miss Van Kooten’s “Frequently Asked Questions”:

Who killed family dinner?
Are most of my students so cruel because they don’t sit down to family dinner?
What percentage of parenting happens at the dinner table? How much good parenting are my students missing now?
Do I have to start having family dinner in my classroom?!?
I didn’t have family dinner & I’m not cold-hearted like some of them are…what happened?
What can I do?
How do I learn how to cook for family dinner?
Can I raise respectful children?
Can I raise children at the dinner table so they don’t end up driving their teachers crazy leading them to sobbing episodes at their desk?!?!?!?!?!

As I plan my wedding, I discover I’m not just planning for a day. I’m planning for a future. A future that will include, God help me, family dinner.

I Better Learn Somewhere

Earlier this summer I visited Fleur-de-Lys farm in Kutztown, PA to interview the owner, Laurie Lynch. I was seeking the reasons and benefits to buying locally. Somewhere between the asparagus patch and the hen house on her farm, I realized I needed a teacher and Laurie could cook! I’ve decided to seek out teachers in the kitchen to help me learn how to prepare meals so I can actually sit down to family dinner. Laurie writes a weekly newsletter and this is an excerpt from her most recent update:

Carats & Carrots

I sparkle

I provide

I’m treasured

I’m savored

I’m expensive

I am priceless

I am strong

I offer strength

I am beautiful

I am beautiful

I represent love

I represent life

I am a diamond

I am a root

—————————————————————————————————————————–
[i] How, Angela. “YouTube – ‪The Nuclear Family‬‎.” YouTube – Broadcast Yourself. Web. 24 July 2010.

[ii] Ahmed, Ayesha Sruti. “Shanklish, How to Make Shanklish Cheese?” Useful Articles from Indian Bloggers. Web. 01 Aug. 2010.

[iii] “Chef Boyardee.” Wikipedia, the Free Encyclopedia. 25 June 2010. Web. 28 July 2010.

[iv] King, Michael Patrick. “Sex and the City Script at IMSDb.” The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb). Web. 20 July 2010.

[v] Lynch, Laurie. “Fleur-de-Lessons.” Fleur-de-Lys Farm Newsletter (3 Aug. 2010). Print.

“Never Drink Alone”
In December of my senior year of college, my parents purchased their first home. In honor of such a momentous occasion, I thought a bottle of wine would be an affordable token of celebration.  I worked in a shopping mall in downtown Bethlehem that also housed a retail store for a local winery.  I went into Franklin Hill’s store, overwhelmed by the choices of wine, most of which I had never heard of.  What would Mom and Dad like?  My wine repertoire included only white zinfandel, and while the saleswoman allowed me a few samples, nothing seemed palatable but a fruity rosé.  I picked out two funky wine glasses and the woman packaged them up with a bottle of The Rose, and I carefully carried my first wine gift home. Closing on the house was in the Poconos where their mountain home was located, and since it was getting late, I had to leave their gift out for them.  I took the box out of the Franklin Hill bag, carelessly tossing the bag onto the dining room table, made my way upstairs, and gingerly and symmetrically placed the gift on their bed.  Smiling to myself, I got ready for bed.
Not long after I fell asleep, my mom came into my room.  Sitting on the edge of my bed, she woke me up.
“Angie, I saw a bag downstairs from Franklin Hill.  Who bought wine?”
It took me a moment to clear the sleep out of my head to figure out what she was asking.  If she had opened the gift, she would have known who bought the wine and why (as there was also a card congratulating them).
“I did, Mom.”
“Oh.  Well, how much did you buy?”
“Just one bottle.”
“Why did you buy it?”
I hate ruining a surprise.  “I just wanted to.”
“Angie, you should never drink alone.”
Oh my gosh.  Would she just go open the gift?  “The wine isn’t for me, Mom.”
“Oh.  Well, I remember my daddy taking me to college my freshman year.  One of his pieces of advice before he left was that anyone who drinks alone is a lush, so you should not drink alone.”
“Mom, I didn’t drink alone.  Did you go into your room yet?”
“No.”
“Ok, well just go look on your bed.”  She left, and minutes later came back.
“Oh Angie, that was so sweet.  I’m sorry for what I said.  Thank you for the gift.”
The next morning my dad and I had a good laugh over mom’s worrisome advice: Never drink alone.

Welcome to the Lehigh Valley Wine Trail!
The fertile farmlands, rich in shale and limestone and favored with a moderated climate, provide an ideal growing environment for vineyards of both traditional Vinifera wine grapes and Native American grapes. The Lehigh Valley Wine Trail is Pennsylvania’s fastest growing wine region and an exciting place to visit. We have new vineyards being planted, our wineries are growing and the wines taste better than ever. (1)

Ground Breaking in Local Vineyard

April 30, 1976
BANGOR, Pa
Elaine Pivinski broke ground today, six years after purchasing her 35-acre farm in Bangor, planting grape vines.  After requesting advice from several agricultural schools, Pivinski received an invitation from Cornell University to experience “unheard of” experiments in French-American hybrid grape vines.  Pivinski saw the potential in the vines, and embarks this month on her own grape-growing experiment.
Pivinski, a self-proclaimed hippie influenced by Woodstock, says her tastes for and interest in wine have grown since the 60’s, when she “bought wine because the bottle looked pretty.”  Now the vineyard owner is taking a more serious approach to wine, hoping to make her living off the land.  With two young children at home, Pivinski believes this endeavor will prove worthwhile as she looks to open her own winery in a few years.
If successful, Pivinski will have just one of a few Pennsylvania vineyards that also makes its own wine.  The hybrids that are growing well in New York, including catawba, cayuga, chambourcin, seyval blanc, and vidal blanc, (2) may also thrive in the climate and soil, replete with shale and limestone, of Eastern Pennsylvania.

History of Local Winemaker

A Guide to Drinking Wine
by Lehigh Valley Wine Trail
Do you shy away from wine because your perception is that drinking it is fraught with arcane ritual and esoteric jargon (much like these directions)?  Learning how to appreciate wine, assess its quality, and talk about it with confidence is…fairly simple. After following these few simple steps, you’ll be able to discuss a glass with the best of them once you understand how to evaluate wine’s essential features.

Step #1: Pronunciation
Learn the pronunciation for popular wines: Chardonnay (SHAR-doe-nay); Cabernet Sauvignon (CA-burr-nay SO-vin-yawn); and Merlot (Mare-LOW). (3)

Chambourcin, Lehigh Valley’s Signature Grape
Chambourcin did not have any appreciable growth until the mid 1970’s when it was made into a varietal by an Ohio winery. Chamby grows best in deep well-drained soil and while it is winter hardy, it cannot withstand cold temperatures for long periods of time. Its loose clusters are a good defense against humidity, which Pennsylvania has plenty of! Chambourcin ripens late but is worth the wait as sugars can rise to 23.6 brix. Chambourcin produces a dark, intense wine not being as heavy or robust as Cabernet. Often the varietal is compared to Merlot because of its softness and Shiraz for its spicy characteristics.  In the Lehigh Valley, there are 36 acres of Chambourcin grown today yielding 93 tons of grapes and producing 14,725 gallons of wine in 18 different styles. (1)

Wine is Like People (or the place where the grapes are grown, or the personalities who make it)

Step #2: Appearance
Hold your glass against a white background, such as a tablecloth or wall, and notice the wine’s color and clarity. The wine should be brilliant, not cloudy or murky, and its color should be appropriate for its type and age.

“White Zinfandel is NOT Real Wine”
Five years older than me, my sister has always been one of my biggest influences in life.  From fashion to college majors, my sister’s imprint is indelible.  A few days before Christmas (only weeks after the “Don’t drink alone” incident), my sister and I headed into New York City for a girls’ night on the town.  After parking on Staten Island and taking the ferry into the city, we found ourselves in Little Italy and arbitrarily entered one of the handful of restaurants that line the street.  We perused the wine menu, thinking we could split a bottle.  This was my first “big girl” outing with Audrey since I turned twenty-one in July, and I liked the idea of proving I was mature enough to enjoy wine with dinner. I knew I wanted a white zinfandel, and my sister, the wine aficionado, wanted anything but, and we had to buy by the glass instead.  My sister got a glass of a deep, ruby red, dry and room temperature.  I sampled her choice and crinkled my nose.  A wine neophyte, I sipped my chilled non-wine, white zinfandel, which tasted a lot like wine to me, slowly over dinner.

Step #3: Serving Temperatures
As a rule, white and sparkling wines are best served well-chilled (45 to 55 degrees Fahrenheit), with lighter, fruitier whites at the low end of the scale and fuller, more flavorful whites, such as Chardonnay, at the upper range.  Red wines should be served at cool room temperature (55 to 65 F.), with lighter, fruitier reds, such as Beaujolais or Pinot Noir, at the lower range of the scale and fuller-bodied varieties, such as Cabernet and Zinfandel, at the top.

Have Fun with Wine

Dear Elaine,
At dinner parties lately, my friends have offered wine to accompany our meal, and I find I just can’t get into it.  Is there a type of wine that goes better with dinner?  What should I be looking for with wine?  I feel like it’s something I should appreciate, but I just can’t get there.
Sincerely,
Wine Newcomer
Dear Wine Newcomer,
My first piece of advice to you is to not worry about what is right or wrong; break all the rules you want!  Look at me: I’m a Polak making wine.  The connoisseurs will tell you otherwise, but go ahead and put ice in your wine if you want.  My company started making martini wines (see recipe below) because I saw that people were ready for funky wines.  I brought one of these wines to a competition as a joke because we wine makers are pompous and are always trying to make the best pinot noir, and here I have this flavored, sweet wine.  It ended up winning a gold medal!  So, you should always have a little humor in drinking wine.
As for what to drink with dinner, just remember that wine is meant to make food taste better.  It neutralizes your tongue and can enhance your food.  For example, a drier, oaked wine pairs nicely with spicy food.  Reds such as cabernet sauvignon, merlot, and pinot noir are usually paired with beef, lamb, veal, pasta dishes with tomato, marinara, pesto, or garlic sauce, and some chicken and fish dishes. Dry, red wines are also really good for lowering cholesterol, and it is recommended to have a glass a day.
White wines, on the other hand, are good for stress and stomach problems related to stress, and whites such as chardonnay and riesling are often paired with chicken, fish, or pasta dishes.  Generally speaking, a wine without much sugar is healthier, but there are many sweet wines that are nice with dessert. (4)
As you can see, wine can only add to your dining experience.  Start with middle of the road wines, and work your way out from there.  It’s really about what tastes best to you and what goes well with your dinner.  I’d also recommend going to a local winery; you will find knowledgeable people to talk you through the different wines and you can sample them until you find one you like.
All the Best,
Elaine Pivinski

Blueberry Pie Martini
3 parts Franklin Hill Vineyards Bliss
1 part Stoli Vanilla Vodka
Crushed Graham Crackers

Rim martini glass with Graham cracker crumbs. Pour Bliss and Vodka into glass with ice. Stir and strain into rimmed martini glass. Top with whipped cream and fresh blueberries. (5)

El Duende: Fun with Wine
The year Audrey and I lived in Paraguay, we always did our grocery shopping together, hopping on a bus that would take us a mile down the road to our favorite supermercado.  In the store we divided and conquered to make the trip go faster.  On one such occasion, something—maybe stress from the job, frustration with the boss, a little rebellion, or a little fun—sent us down the wine aisle.  We found wine that came in a box, much like the boxed shelf milk of this peculiar Latin country.  Its name was El Duende, Spanish for The Elf, and pictured on the front of this vino tinto was none other than a goofy looking elf.   In retrospect, it must have been a need for a good laugh, because my wine connoisseur sister thought this particular boxed red was just what we needed.  We purchased our groceries and headed back to our apartment on the school campus where I was a teacher.
The wine tasted exactly as a boxed wine with an elf on the logo should—awful.  But we also shared El Duende with some of our friends who were equally amused by the wine sprite, and we enjoyed its inferiority as a wine like that should be enjoyed.  El Duende even inspired a videotaped confession of my friend Rodney who explained what he was doing hanging out in a Latin American country with his wife and a bunch of female teachers who made up dances in their spare time:  “As the only male on the video, besides our good friend, El Duende, I need a moment or two to explain why I, a 26 year-old, married man, would choose to spend my most precious weekend moments with a group of single girls: it really is an act of desperation on my part!”

Local Winemaker Flourishes in Down Economy
Today on Marketplace Morning Report
While recent reports show that Bordeaux wines to be made from this year’s grapes are selling for $1,500 a bottle, small wineries across the country are suffering in a slow economy.  Expensive wines have not been in demand, and many wine makers, such as Savignon Republic, Ross Valley Winery, and Havens Wine Cellars, all of California, have suffered tremendously. (6)  Brad Knapp, owner of local Kutztown winery, Pinnacle Ridge, reports a different turn of events for his small business.  Knapp claims that while most agricultural sales are down, grape and mushroom sales are increasing.  Two of the reasons for such expansion with grape sales, according to the Pennsylvania wine maker, are that the local wine scene can provide inexpensive entertainment, and there is a renewed interest in supporting local businesses.  Despite what may be happening to wineries in California, Pinnacle Ridge “grew 25% in 2009.” (7)
For Marketplace Report, I’m Rose Vin.

LV Wine Trail Meets Brad Knapp
Harvest season is just around the corner for local vineyards.  As we approach this exciting time of year, we were able to catch up with Brad Knapp, owner of Pinnacle Ridge Winery, to ask him a few questions about harvest and winemaking.  Here is an excerpt of that interview that shows just how conscientious this successful winemaker is.
LVWT: What is unique about your grapes and/or farming methods?
BK: We think a lot about it.  We are very quality conscious.  We pull leaves, we hedge the vines, which is going out and hacking off the top of the vine when it gets too tall. With pinot noir we throw half the crop out because the grapes get more of what they need when they aren’t competing with other grapes.  You get better fruit if you do that.  We go out in the winter and weigh the vines and that determines how you train it to grow up (trellis it).  We hired a consultant from Australia who analyzed our vineyard and as a result we got bigger yields of better fruit.  We think a lot.  We approach it academically, we read research, we keep up with newer developments in grape growing.
LVWT: Growing your own grapes and making your wine is a lot of work.  If you had known how much goes into this, do you think you would have gone into farming grapes?
BK: It’s impossible to say.  I probably would have.  One of the best things about this industry is the industry is growing.
LVWT: One last question, Brad.  What is your favorite wine, and what would you pair it with?
BK: My favorite wine is pinot noir, and I would pair it with mushroom lasagna.  (7)  Another pairing idea our audience might like is the one that follows.

Michelle’s Savory Goat Cheese & Mushroom Tart
For the filling:
1/2 pound goat feta cheese, crumbled
1/8 cup mascarpone cheese
1/8 cup sour cream
1 large clove garlic, finely minced
1 TBS fresh chives
Freshly ground pepper
For the topping:
2 TBS salted butter
2 TBS extra virgin olive oil
1 pound oyster mushrooms, chopped
2 TBS chopped shallots
3/4 tsp thyme
For the crust:
1 package frozen puff pastry (defrost according to directions on package)
Directions:
Have all the filling ingredients at room temperature.  Place in food processor and mix. Put chives in last and do not over mix. Set aside. Sauté chopped shallots in melted butter and olive oil until shallots are soft. Add other topping ingredients and sauté until the mushrooms are soft. Spray two cookie sheets with oil, unfold puff pastry and lay puff pastry on cookie sheets. Bake according to directions on package. (About 12 minutes at 400 degrees or until golden.) Remove from oven and let puff pastry sit for 15 minutes.
Distribute half the cheese filling on each pastry. Top each pastry with the mushroom topping. Bake at 350 degrees for 15 minutes or until cheese is melted. Allow to sit for 5 minutes before cutting into squares. Serve with microgreens. The tart is equally good served warm or at room temperature.
Make sure you have a glass of Pinnacle Ridge 2008 Chambourcin or 2009 Vidal Blanc poured before serving. Enjoy!! (8)

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Lehigh Valley Wine Trail Join Pinnacle Ridge Winery this weekend, June 19 & 20, for its annual Blues in the Barn event. Bring dad and the kids along to celebrate his special day.

Pinnacle Ridge Winery Blues in the Barn this Saturday and Sunday. Forecast looks perfect, pig roast, two bands on Saturday (noon to 7 pm), open blues jam on Sunday (noon to 6 pm). It’s a blast!

Father’s Day
The sun beats down on everything in sight, its heat rising slowly off the macadam road like a charmed snake.  We walked past car after car and then row after row of green, gnarled grape vines.  The sound of deep bass and tinny piano reverberate from a red Pennsylvania Dutch farmhouse at Pinnacle Ridge.  We lay claim to an empty picnic table on the lawn outside the barn, next to a steaming, black, pig-sized grill, and debate which comes first: barbeque or wine.  My sister-in-law decides wine, I decide food.  We all settle down to lunch, chords of music washing over us, resting in our ears, penetrating our souls the way the sun our skin.  Suddenly, it doesn’t matter to me: sweet or dry, red, white, or rosé; this food is as unrefined and celebratory as the raw blues from the barn; the wine is a dry red made on this very patch of earth; my family is laughing together; and I am basking in the warmth of it all, a giant embrace of everything good in life wrapping me up in its arms.

Step #4: Aroma
The most important faculty we employ in perceiving a wine’s character is our sense of smell.  When you swirl wine in a glass and sniff it, the volatile essences of the wine are carried by thousands of nerve endings in your nasal cavity to the olfactory bulb in your brain. The primary grape smells of a wine, distinct by variety, make up its aroma, while secondary characteristics, caused by factors such as fermentation and oak and bottle aging, blend with its fruit smells to form the wine’s bouquet.

First Anniversary
“Baby, are you sure this is the right way to go to Jacobsburg?  I thought we would have gotten on 33 back there.”
“No, we can take 191 to get there,” Chad assures me.  Since he’s from Easton, I force myself to keep my mouth shut and look at the farmland on either side of the road.
The rolling hills lined with crops and pastures make me think of a vineyard.  I wonder if there is a vineyard around here.  Chad and I have been planning for a few weeks to hike in Jacobsburg on our first anniversary, so I keep my thoughts to myself.  A few miles down the road, Chad admits, “This isn’t the right way.”
I knew it! triumphantly rings in my head.  “Oh,” is all I respond, deciding to let him figure out where to go.  No sooner does Chad confess his error than we pass a sign indicating a winery two miles to the right.  “Hey, do you want to go to a vineyard instead?” I suggest.  Chad slams on the breaks and we turn onto Franklin Hill Road.  We make our way to the oldest winery in the Lehigh Valley.  We settle down at the bar for a sampling and talk wine with our personal wine attendant (at least that’s what she seemed like).
Mine and Chad’s tastes in wine differ quite a bit.  He is ambivalent about my favorite pinot noir, and I couldn’t stand his most recent choice in merlot.  When we want something light and inexpensive that will last a while, we usually agree on a white merlot.  True to form, we each found a Franklin Hill wine we loved, but they weren’t the same.  Chad chose the Vidal Blanc, described by owner Elaine Pivinski as a “middle of the road wine—not too dry and not too sweet,” and the Sir Walter’s Red, named for Elaine’s dad.  Elaine’s dad smoked Sir Walter Raleigh tobacco in his pipe, and when he worked at the winery, he would sell bottles of the Sir Walter’s Red (it had a different name at the time) like it was going out of style.  He was not a wine aficionado because, as his daughter says, “If you like Sir Walter’s Red, you have no taste in wine; it is not considered a quality wine.  It pairs well with peanut butter and jelly!”
I fell in love with White Jade—named for Elaine’s granddaughter Jadelyn—which is made from vidal blanc grapes but is treated like a chardonnay, meaning it is aged with oak chips.  I also liked the Simply Red, a medium-dry without a strong oaky flavor.
We paid for two glasses of wine and went out to the picnic area to eat our picnic lunch intended for Jacobsburg.  We toasted to a wonderful first year of marriage (and lots of fun trying new wines).

Step #5: Storage
You don’t need a fancy, expensive cellar to store your wine.  If you’re like most wine consumers, you’ll enjoy your wines soon after you bring them home, so all you need is a cool, dry, dark place away from direct sunlight and free of vibration.

These five steps are all you need to go from novice to epicure.  Nothing could be easier!

Dream Come True at Local Vineyard
May 10, 2010
BANGOR, Pa
In a long-awaited event, Franklin Hill planted its second generation of vines today, 34 years after its first vine-planting venture.  This time, the project was not spearheaded by owner Elaine Pivinski but by her son, Adam Flatt.
“This is a special year for us,” reports veteran viticulturist Pivinski.  “You do something like this and you hope it can stay in the family.  We just bought the land this year and Adam planted the vines.”
Pivinski laughs as she comments on the differences between planting vines in 1976 and 2010.  “We didn’t know what we were doing.  We used nitrogen in the ground when we were planting.  Instead, Adam put grass in and plowed it in.  It’s a much healthier system; we just didn’t know back then.”
The newest addition to the vineyard consists of 1,300 vines of chambourcin, the signature wine of the Lehigh Valley Wine Trail.  Adam adds that they plan to plant 1,000 more within the next year.
Now comes the hard part: waiting.  If all goes well, it will be at least three years before the vines produce any fruit.  Until then, we wish all those at Franklin Hills the best.

Harvest Week To-Do List
Monday: Check the weather forecast, check the grapes for rot, test the PH levels, test the sugar level
Tuesday: Make calls for part-time help to pick, get bins and scissors ready, clean the tanks and storage room
Wednesday: Give pickers instructions, retrieve full bins of grapes all day long, put grapes in refrigerator or de-stemmer, depending on time
Thursday: Repeat Wednesday’s process
Friday: Deal with the grapes: de-stemming, pumping juice out of grapes, separating juice from grape skins and seeds, purifying juice once again, adding yeast in storage tanks
Saturday and Sunday: Repeat Friday’s process until all fruit is juiced.

Four months (for white) or two years (for red) from now: Bottle a quality wine.

And This Year’s Winner Is…
“We’d like to thank all of you for coming out for the 2009 Pennsylvania Farm Show, and we hope you will stick around while we announce the winners of the wine competition.  We will begin with the gold medal for this year’s Governor’s Cup.  For Best Hybrid, the award goes to…Brad Knapp of Pinnacle Ridge for his 2007 Chambourcin.  Congratulations Brad!”
BK: Thank you very much.
PFS: Tell us a little about your Chambourcin.
BK: Chambourcin is a great grape, we like it a lot.  It’s well suited to our area, it’s disease resistant, it hangs well, it doesn’t rot.  These are all very favorable qualities to have in a grape.  Chambourcin is now considered the grape of the LV wine trail, so we like to promote it.
This chambourcin is an 07.  07 is a fabulous vintage.  Summer kind-of sets up the general sense of the vintage in terms of quantity, you know, bloom and things went normally.  But harvest time, the fall, is really when quality is determined.  September was hot and dry; we had less than one inch of rain.  And October again was fabulous; I remember 90 degree days in early October.  We had very ripe fruit, very high sugars, great color.  It’s really nice to have won this prestigious award for a grape that I’m so fond of.
PFS: Thank you Brad.  Congratulations once again, and we look forward to seeing you at next year’s Farm Show. (9)

How can we celebrate the Lehigh Valley American Viticultural Area? Celebrate this new AVA by enjoying a glass of your favorite wine from the wine trail. Know that you are drinking something that is locally produced, unique and specifically crafted to best suit this area.

(1) About Us.” Welcome to the Lehigh Valley Wine Trail. 2009. Web. 30 July 2010. <http://www.lehighvalleywinetrail.com/>.
(2) “French and American Hybrid Wine Grape Varieties.” ECask Wine – The Fruit of the     Vine. 2007. Web. 23 July 2010. <http://www.ecask.com/french-american-hybrid-    wine-grape-varieties.html>.

(3) “Fun With Wine.” Welcome to the Lehigh Valley Wine Trail. 2009. Web. 26 July 2010. <http://www.lehighvalleywinetrail.com/>.

(4) “Food & Wine Pairing Guide.” E. & J. Gallo Winery, 2002. Web. 30 July 2010. <http://winewebcentral.com/winepairing/>.

(5)”Franklin Hill Vineyards Nearly Famous Recipes.” Franklin Hill Vineyards Homepage. 2007. Web. 23 July 2010. <http://franklinhillvineyards.com/AboutUs/?page=145>.

(6) “Winemakers Struggling to Stay Afloat in Recession.” Interview by Janet Babin. Marketplace. American Public Media, 22 July 2010. Web. 22 July 2010. <http://marketplace.publicradio.org/display/web/2010/07/22/pm-winemakers-struggling-to-stay-afloat-in-recession/>.

(7) Knapp, Brad. “The Chemistry of Wine.” Personal interview. 12 July 2010.

(8) “News.” Pinnacle Ridge Winery. 2008. Web. 01 Aug. 2010. <http://www.pinridge.com/news.html>.

(9) “YouTube – Pinnacle Ridge Winery Wins Big in January.” YouTube – Broadcast Yourself. PaWineLife, 10 Feb. 2010. Web. 02 Aug. 2010. .

Except for the bananas in Baba’s Banana-Walnut Cake…(my one and only exception)

Banana Walnut Cake

Add:

Add:

1/3 cup buttermilk

½ cup unbeaten eggs (2 large)

Beat 2 more minutes. Fold in 2/3 chopped walnuts. Grease and flour pans. Bake at 350 for 30-45 minutes in 13x9x2 pan or 25 minutes in 2- 9” pans or 25 minutes for 27 cupcakes

Ice after cool with Whipped Icicing

Beat all ingredients 1- minutes. The longer the better.

At my grandmother’s (aka Baba’s), food was part of the visit. Her meals were the only ones that I seemed to remember during the ages 5 to about 15. (This means I liked them.) Running three different pierogie-making sites, two of which were for church and one for the Polish club, cooking was her middle name. Heading to her house on weekends for a quick visit brought the smells of wonder. Unfortunately, it was only every other weekend or so that we would stop for a Sunday dinner.

Heat oven to 400. Heat water and butter to rolling boil, stir in flour all at once removing from heat, stir vigorously until mixture forms a smooth ball. Beat in eggs all at once, continue beating until smooth and satiny. Drop on ungreased cookie sheet 2 inches apart using rounded teaspoons full. Bake 400 for 25-35 mins until puffed and golden. When cool, cut tops off and fill or use pastry bag.

Filling

Mix cold milk with the pudding, slowly add vanilla and cold heavy cream. Mix until fluffy and creamed well, slowly add powder sugar. Fill cooled puffs.

At Baba’s house you could eat your dessert before your meal.

Baba’s Top Ten desserts:

1. Crescent Cookies (only featured at Christmas)
2. Apple Pie
3. Cream Puffs
4. Nut rolls
5. Tosse’s
6. Kiffles
7. Peanut Butter Logs
8. Texas Sheet Cake
9. Cream Cheese Squares
10. Cherry Crumb Pie

Often, she would be the one sneaking a cream puff for us to try before heading to the dining room table for dinner. Christmas Eve dinner was the best time to pull this trick of treats before dinner.

Food was a passion at Baba’s house. Everyone, including all six kids, tried everything…without a tear.

Baba’s Top Five Meals

1. Guamkis
2. Chicken Paprikash
3. Chicken Scampi
4. Homemade Pizza (honestly I think I like my dad’s a little better!)
5. Everything featured at Christmas Eve Dinner

I wonder if my mom was jealous that my brother and I always finished our plates there…

…plus at Baba’s house you NEVER needed ketchup.

“Karen, you will sit there until your meal is finished. Do you understand?” A typical dinner growing up in my household. My brother often joined me at the dinner table long after my mother and father were finished. While they would walk and watch t.v. in the adjacent living room, we sat there either crying or staring at awful grilled chicken, some kind of vegetable (usually my least favorite red beets), and a starch (plain old baked potato) that we could not get down. The three essentials for a good mom to put out a good meal…definitely. The three essentials a five year old enjoys—definitely not. There was just something that left me literally with a “bad taste in my mouth” about eating at my parents’ as a child.

“Can you get us some ketchup?” Johnny or I would usually ask. Not until a clean plate was in sight, were we allowed to leave the table. Even covered in ketchup, the portions seemed so big and we could just not stomach them all…

Especially when you are a scrawny kid.

That is why ketchup played such a big role in both my brother’s and my life…to mask our meal. Sadly, even the ketchup at times was not a help. We prayed for the Heinz to be the sale of the week, but often it was not. And mom ALWAYS went for the sale or cheapest kind…which 99% of the time meant … <sigh> store brand.

Thank goodness for, our yellow lab, Pretzel. She did help us polish off a good amount of meals during our childhood. She would sit so faithfully under the table during meals waiting for the scraps.

(Only after finally finishing the meal could we have dessert aka peanut butter tandy cakes)

At my parents’ house, I hated food (minus dessert). I hated many types, but the worst of all were bananas and milk. Each morning, a banana would be cut up next to our bowl of cereal. I can still feel it oozing down my throat trying to get finished. Also, a full glass of milk was expected to be drunk, and it would help “wash the bananas down” as Mom would say. Each day, crying, I would down my glass of milk knowing what was to come next.

A sour stomach.

According to WebMD, “Lactose intolerance means the body cannot easily digest lactose, a type of natural sugar found in milk and dairy products. ” [1]

And Baba always had real HEINZ ketchup…but it never was used

At Baba’s the ingredients were rich. All wholesome …Wholesome meaning real butter, name brands, and a non-ketchup needing taste. Today, in my own baking and cooking, I stick to her tried and tested brands. Her pantry brand essentials consist of:

• Butter: Keller’s (2 for $5 is always a good price when on sale at Redners)
• Sugar: Domino
• Flour: Gold Medal
• Walnuts (or other nuts): Diamond
• Baking Soda: Arm & Hammer
• Chocolate Chips: Tollhouse
• Melting Chocolate: keep an 8 oz Hershey chocolate bar on hand
• Lard: any brand-but a “must have” for pie crust

She always told me to never skimp out to save 50 cents by buying a cheap brand. “They are cheap for a reason” stated Baba. This definitely contradicted my mother’s opinions to “buy cheap and what’s on sale”. With all Baba’s trial and error for the 60 years she has been baking, I use her advice. (I even play the polkas in the background when baking.)

Baba

Maybe she’s my baking Buddha?

 

Baba,

Gentle, kind,

Heart of gold,

Knows all my secrets, hurts, and pains,

A person to complain to when needed.

A sweet treat to always make you feel better,

Polish traditions were always upheld…

Host of the best “non” holiday known to mankind,

or at least the Wesolowski household…

Christmas Eve Dinner- My favorite non-holiday

December 23^rd each year is when the festivities truly begin at Baba’s…AND this is my favorite meal of all time. Tradition begins by packing my bag to go to Hellertown, PA, to spend the night at Baba’s, along with my two cousins Maggie and Michelle, to prepare for the feast.

Michelle, me, Maggie

 

We stayed over, talking all night (and drinking once of age) , yet still knowing we would hear “Girls let’s go …we got work to do” at 7:00 am Christmas Eve.

To do:

1. Cook ham (after I put on the glaze)
2. Cut and peel the celery
3. Get the leaves for the table
4. Chop the olives  and mix with cream cheese
5. Get the roué going for the mushroom soup and kapusta soup
6. Bread haddock
7. Set up the table doing fancy napkins (thanks to Google and my iPhone)
8. Make cookie trays (and cover for “after dinner”)Finish mushroom soup – all (with Baba’s guidance we could learn)
9. Fry pierogies (plum, potato, and cabbage)
10. Plate pierogies (remembering to keep the cabbage separate due to none of the six grandkids liking these)
11. Fry (then bake) fish
12. Boil kielbasa (when a stove burner opens)
13. Slice special Wegmans bread = Without a doubt the best you can find in the area. My Aunt Laura usually will stop on her way to dinner to pick up an amazing loaf of Marco polo and Champagne. It is all about taste in my family! (or was I bias because of my love for my employment at Wegmans?)
14. Microwave the corn (really.)
15. Greet family
16. Put all food at the table

 

Xmas 2009 Table

 

Then, they arrive. Wesolych Swiat Bozego Narodzenia! (Merry Christmas)

Roll out the barrel, we’ll have a barrel of fun
Roll out the barrel, we’ve got the blues on the run
Zing, boom, tararrel, sing out a song of good cheer
Now’s the time to roll the barrel, for the gang’s all here

Food appreciation=Christmas Eve

Thanks to the fabulous Christmas Eve dinner at Grammy’s, I truly appreciated food more as a kid and especially the work that went in to a meal. It is amazing that a whole day of preparation from 7 am until about 5 pm went all away in about 20 minutes or so! I savored every bite of that meal knowing this. As I got older, working at Wegmans also contributed to my new food appreciation

The meat department

Working at Wegmans was where my adult food love, outside of Baba’s house, began.

Getting ready and beginning my shift,

Helping customers pick the best meats for their meal,

Whether it be a sirloin for grilling,

Or a chuck roast for slow-cooking,

To this day, I still have an eye for those meats.

Recommending recipes,

Cutting steaks,

Making ka-bobs,

I loved every second.

Wegmans was my favorite part-time job.I learned  a lot from the training we were put through, called Meat University. This was where we worked with our boss to learn about all the cuts of meat, where they came from, and the best ways to cook each piece, to allow a recommendation to future customers. I even began to try and cook at home some of the recipes I learned.

Trying different foods, for the first without ketchup (and on a non-Baba food!)

Wegmans allowed me to explore my taste buds. I tried everything at our weekly “meat ralley” from chicken sausage, to feta veggie burgers, and even grilled pork chops. Loved them all! Working at a grocery store definitely meant you spent some money on food! I would stop by the tea isle and get my Yogi Egyptian Licorice mint, which I grew fond of, or fresh vegetables from the produce section. Whatever I needed, I could find it at my Wegmans store. Working there from age 19-22 taught me a lot. I learned to cook and learned that even today…

Wegmans has the cheapest Diamond Walnut prices.

Often before leaving work at the Meat Department in Wegmans, I would get a “Karen, phone’s for you” from one of the other workers. “Karen, it’s Baba. Can you please pick me up four bags of diamond walnuts on your way home? I have three more nut rolls to make, and the prices are the best at Wegmans.” And, of course, I would. Plus, that meant a stop to Baba’s and most likely a meal.

Today, I find myself stopping at Wegmans for my Diamond Walnuts to make Baba’s kiffles or tosses. I care today about the food I purchase and am looking for the wholesome taste I grew up from Baba’s.

Food You Feel Good About

Now that I am watching what items I buy, specifically meats and produce. I found Wegmans offers a great amount of organic and locally grown foods, which is my new passion at the age of 25. When I got married, I began to slowly explore the art of cooking. I began to care what went into our meals and what could make them taste the best.

Today, I find myself going up to the Allentown Wegmans in search of more organic produce. The Food You Feel Good About label is the items I often purchase. This label, according to Wegmans, means they are “free of artificial colors, flavors  or preservatives, free of trans fats from partially hydrogenated oils, fresh meats are from animals not given antibiotics, hormones or animal by-products”. [2]

I began to start paying attention to where it all comes from…and as I “grew up” I started to care.

Slowly, I find myself transitioning into an organic eater. During this slow transition, I found my favorite deli Good Eatz, began my Wednesday trips to Leesport Farmers Market, and started purchasing mostly local produce. I want to know where my food came from and the best ways to cook it. I care about the taste and want to find the freshest and best in Berks county. Even trying to eat less of the items with  ingredients like corn syrup and choose more natural ingredients is also on my transitional list.

However …

Ketchup.

Specifically Heinz.

(Still tastes the best to me today.)

I now like eating…wholesome foods,

(most times making my Baba’s recipes),

And I no longer need the mask of…

my Heinz ketchup.

(Except on a good cheeseburger!)

 

 

---

Works Cited
[1] “Lactose Intolerance.” WebMD Medical Reference from Healthwise. 3 August 2009. 20 July 2010. < http://www.webmd.com/digestive-disorders/tc/lactose-intolerance-topic-overview>

[2] “Food You Feel Good About.” Wegmans. 2010. 31 July 2010. <https://www.wegmans.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/CategoryDisplay?storeId=10052&krypto=

QJrbAudPd0uK9R2haUUOtw29EsL81umE9FURUm2UdaxCQ7KL673TcZBQ0aVGvh6n&ddke

y=http:CategoryDisplay>

K. Jacoby

.DEFINITION.
bliss [blis] –noun : 1. supreme happiness; utter joy or contentment
point [point] –noun : 19. a degree or stage(1)
bliss point: a degree of ultimate happiness or satisfaction, specifically related to the taste, enjoyment, and ingestion of food and the company that surrounds it. Also corresponds to one’s ability to eat in moderation and feel good about oneself when finished with a meal.

.FLASHBACK, 2006.
i.
waking sleep: morning
heavy with chocolate waft
mom in the kitchen.

ii.
white coating outside
the world is blissfully still.
I have tests to grade.

iii.
afternoon, one stack
to go: chili simmering
shovels scrape the ground.

iv.
finally: dinner.
spicy warmth and a movie.
finally: brownies.

v.
collection of time
memories overlapping
bliss point: mom’s kitchen.

.CONFESSION.
dear self,
remember when you fueled yourself with mom’s cooking? and both nanas’ on the weekends? remember how restaurants were a treat, not a habit? remember how you were healthy, normal (whatever that means today), safe? remember how you didn’t whisper “these pants are a little tight… wow, you’ve really packed on some weight, huh?” and how you didn’t feel that startling bolt of self-hatred in the morning? do you remember?
because i don’t.
maybe it was just too long ago.
help me remember.

.MISSING PIECES.
Two grandmothers. Two kitchens.
My loving stomach, my eager mouth.
Any season, mostly Sundays, until I turned 20: the slow delight of comfort food.
Chicken potpie. Meatloaf. Mashed potatoes. Roast beef with carrots that melt in your mouth. Three vegetables served with dinner. Pork and sauerkraut, an acquired taste. Marinated turkey tenderloin fresh off the grill. Chicken and asparagus casserole. Macaroni and cheese: a specialty of both grandmothers, neither the same, both undeniably coercing you into seconds, sometimes thirds.
Do not forget about dessert.
Pies: any. Apple, cherry, strawberry, blueberry, ice cream. Chocolate pudding, still warm. Raspberry truffle cake. Sticky buns. Handmade doughnuts. Blueberry buckle. That simple but delicious moist chocolate sheet cake with perfectly sweet vanilla butter cream icing. Warm pears topped with melting vanilla ice cream and Hershey’s chocolate syrup.
Home Cooking Bliss Point: the only alternative to restaurants. Portion control, check. Family connection, check. Self-satisfaction.

.TRUTH.
I crave home cooking; it was the base of my life until I finished student teaching and moved out of my parents’ house, into a home of my own.
By then, both grandmothers had stalled on their creation of elaborate family dinners.

.FACT.
I missed valuable kitchen-time with both of my grandmothers; I never learned the lessons I’d need in order to uphold their cooking. I appreciate every twirl of their spoons, every flip of their spatulas. They were the reason my parents supported home cooking, not restaurants.
But let’s be real: the grandmotherly comfort-cooking gene was not passed down to me. My kitchen-style is something I’d have to conjure up on my own… if I ever manage to tear myself away from my mom’s stellar cooking, that is.

.MISSING PIECE.
One mother, one kitchen.
One daughter, twenty-three-ish years at home.
An endless variety of Bliss Point, Mom-style.
Asparagus, six different ways. Garlic roasted broccoli and carrots. Cuban sandwiches. Spaghetti with homemade sauce and filet mignon meatballs. Chili, at least four different styles. Shepherd’s pie for winter nights. Mid-summer potato salad. Steak and bacon tornados. Braciole. Mushroom tarts. French toast and bacon for a lazy Saturday morning. Roast chicken, a Sunday special, with garlic mashed potatoes. Garden fresh mozzarella, basil, and tomato salad. Beef stew. Pasta fagioli. Tacos, of course the tacos. Her macaroni and cheese, a seamless blend of both grandmothers’ recipes.
And then: tiramisu. Blueberry pie. “A really good chocolate cake with fluffy icing,” so she says, “homemade, of course.” Pineapple upside down cake. Hot butterscotch pudding with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. Angel food cake, pound cake. Lemon squares. Chocolate ganache and crème de menthe brownies.
Salivate, gawk, indulge. Appreciate.

.CHANGE, 2007.
STUDENT DEPARTS HOME AFTER OVERSTAYING HER WELCOME. QUESTIONABLY SURVIVES FIRST YEAR OF TEACHING TENTH GRADE ENGLISH. ENDURES SEVERAL SUBPAR RELATIONSHIPS. FAILS AT COOKING FOR HERSELF. FALLS IN LOVE, THE REAL THING. JUGGLES TEACHING FULL-TIME WITH GRAD SCHOOL & RELATIONSHIP. DOES NOT CULTIVATE COOKING SKILLS. HELLO, RESTAURANTS & MANUFACTURED BLISS POINT. HELLO, ENLARGING BUTTOCKS. HELLO, PANIC.

.EXCHANGE.
“Oh… oh my god. I AM SO FAT I CANNOT STAND MYSELF.”
“Shut up, you are not. You’re beautiful.”
“You’re blind. LOOK AT MY THIGHS. No, don’t, you’ll be scarred.”
“You are not fat. You work out every day after school.”
“Yes, and my ass just keeps getting bigger and bigger. Ughhh my stomach hurts.”
“Probably the cheese from your quesadilla…”
“Uh, no. I’m not lactose intolerant.”
“Then why does your stomach always hurt?”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because I FILL IT WITH SHITTY FOOD?”
“Or you’re lactose intolerant.”
“…whatever. I need a carrot.”

.IRRESISTIBLE.

Mexican. It has always been Mexican: my carnal food weakness. It’s likely the cheese… yes, those sultry, melted loops that string through the meat and tomatoes, soften the crunch of the salty shell against my teeth. Oh yeah, definitely the cheese.

But homemade Mexican just doesn’t cut it the way that restaurant Mexican does. While living in Orlando years ago, I found a tiny piece of Mexican-heaven: Tijuana Flats.

Pick your poison! The hot sauce bar at Tijuana Flats

There is no happier, tastier place than Tijuana Flats, and I have no doubt that it is responsible for the handful of pounds I gained while living in Florida. College called, though, and I soon had to leave my Tijuana behind. I mourned the loss of those delectable chimichangas and fresh house-made salsa, never mind the tantalizing hot sauce bar and delicious burritos. It was a sad, Mexican-lacking time for me until I stumbled over to Morton Street in Bethlehem and wandered into a new tiny slice of Mexican-heaven:
Tulum (also here). An avid burrito-lover cannot go wrong with anything ordered off of the chalkboard menu, but the guacamole & chips plus a veggie Mayan burrito may be the ultimate Mexican Food Bliss Point.

.PANIC! AT THE RESTAURANT.
While there is no shortage of smoking guns when investigators look at the rise in weight problems in this country, one key culprit is that we’re preparing fewer and fewer of our own meals.
One recent study found that people who reported frequently eating breakfast or dinner at restaurants approximately doubled their risk of being obese.
To maximize sales, the restaurant trade has zeroed in on the flavor and texture sensations humans crave: creamy, crispy, salty, sweet. Many eateries have cranked up the levels of fats, sugars, and sodium in everything they serve, while mega-sizing portions. Wash it all down with millions of servings of soft drinks, and you have a recipe for an obesity epidemic. (2)

.SUGGESTION.
K: By the way. Seriously on a (EXPLETIVE) diet now.
J: Me too. I want to get to a normal routine starting Monday. We will cook. No
eating out.
K: Please. I’m tired. Going to bed. I need your help with eating better.
J: Ok. We will do it.
J: Do you know if we’re eating at your mom’s tomorrow?
K: Please. Seriously. Don’t know about dinner tomorrow. Just no more restaurants.

.TEMPTATION.
I knew I’d never be able to give up Tulum in my quest to eat better, but I at least had to cut back on my visits. I didn’t want Tulum to slap an extra, unnecessary five pounds onto me just as Tijuana Flats had.
Of course, right in the midst of my eager plight to cook more and be cooked for less, my friend Kim came home for a visit from England.
Enter: KIM’S EVIL TEMPTATION via Twitter
@Kristin awww loved your message on fb…sorry I missed chatting…one ? though…can we have tulum ON THE WAY to tijuana flats?
10:05 PM Jul 5th via web in reply to Kristin
>> Oh, Kim. My Mexican-loving stomach and ever-expanding ass will never forgive you.

.WAIT A MINUTE.

Click image to enlarge -- then read!

Guilt free! GUILT FREE!

.HERE’S THE THING.
I know restaurants are not the way to fuel my body. This is nothing new to me, or likely to anyone else. One spin through the Food & Cooking section at Borders will hand you a selection of diet books that all say the same thing, just to different tunes: eat in more, out less. It’s strange that I should even have this problem, considering my Home Cooking Bliss Point history with my family’s cooking. However, my reliability on restaurants is not a unique problem: “If you’re like most people, you find yourself eating out at restaurants a lot: You get tired of cooking at home all the time, or you have work dinners.” But wait! There’s hope: “Fortunately, eating out doesn’t have to mean pigging out, as long as you know how to make good choices.” Those good choices are not so simple, especially when realizing that a basic plate of spaghetti and meatballs with meat sauce can cost an eater up to 2,430 calories. (3)And by the way, that plate doesn’t include the salad with fattening dressing, and it definitely does not include that tempting basket of hot, buttery garlic bread that is nearly impossible to ignore.
Instead of happily thoughtlessly inhaling upwards of 2,500 calories at that dangerous Italian restaurant, I could do this, by myself or with J, in the comfort of one of our homes, and the irreplaceable ability to serve only the amount of food our body truly needs:

Pasta Primavera for the Kitchen-Inept
•    You need: pasta (whole wheat is healthier), a variety of sliced vegetables that taste good when cooked, some seasonings (oregano, salt, pepper, you know, basic stuff that’ll give your meal a little kick of flavor), EVOO (consult Rachael Ray), garlic, basil.
•    You’ll need to: Preheat your oven to 450. Cover a baking sheet with aluminum foil.
•    Then: make your pasta. Keep it al dente if you’re fancy like I am.
•    Next: Toss your veggies with 2 tablespoons of EVOO, salt, pepper, and seasonings. Spread ‘em out on the baking sheet, then put ‘em in the oven for about 15 minutes.
•    The fancy part: Coat a skillet with olive oil, just enough to make your garlic sizzle and tenderize. Then add the cooked pasta and the basil until it’s heated through.
•    Let’s eat: toss your pasta concoction into a large bowl and add the roasted veggies. Stir it up, throw on some grated Parmesan cheese if you feel like it. Then, dig in – but make sure to eat just one serving, and don’t go back for more.

.AND ANOTHER THING.
[Food Politics]
What is the cause of the modern obesity epidemic?
: The modern obesity epidemic derives from both an increase in average caloric intake and a decrease in average muscular exertion.
In the United States between 1970 and 2003, average daily caloric intake increased 23 percent to a level of 2,757 calories, roughly 20 percent more than the World Health Organization recommends.
It is not unusual for an individual meal at a fast-food restaurant to contain more than 1,000 calories.
Is the food industry to blame for the way we eat?
: Yes, to some extent. The modern food industry does more than simply process, package, and deliver foods to consumers. It designs foods, often manipulating the ingredients, including the sugar, fat, and salt content, to make them more difficult for consumers to resist. … food companies are in part to blame for our overeating because they design foods for irresistibility, delivering tastes and textures that hit an intentionally addictive “bliss point.” (4)

…horrifying. If I wasn’t already set on divorcing restaurants, this certainly helped push me closer to my own, new, personally tailored Bliss Point.

.ATTEMPT.
J: Any chance you can at some point send me the recipe? Just need the ingredients so I can count [points for] Weight Watchers
I sent her the recipe. Even bought all the ingredients and arrived at her house, bearing them with a joyous smile.
But it was really, wickedly hot that night. Too hot to grill, and too hot to cook in an un-air-conditioned kitchen.
And so we sought out air conditioning and food we didn’t have to prepare. I opted for the house-made veggie burger instead of red meat.  The fresh, healthy ingredients sat over night, ready to be sliced, grilled, and inhaled the following night.

.EXCUSES.
Top 10 Reasons Why I Don’t Want To Cook Tonight
10. I’m tired. No, really tired. I spent six or so hours with hormone-riddled freshmen who don’t care about writing a complete sentence and then I had to go to a faculty meeting. Oh, and then the gym. I AM TIRED.
9. I’m not a good cook. Honestly, I can barely manage to not burn a chicken breast while making sure it cooks all the way through. Sometimes I even burn it, and it’s still a little raw in the center. See, not a good cook.
8. All I have in the freezer is a package of ground beef that’s almost a year old, and the fridge? Well, there are some carrots…
7. … yes, I could get off my ass and go to the grocery store, but didn’t you hear me when I said that I AM TIRED?
6. I have no idea what to make. With my limited skills, the options are also limited, so if you want to eat grilled cheese sandwiches for the third night in a row, fine, I’ll cook. But I won’t be happy about it.
5. It’s too hot. Yes, I know my house is air conditioned, but there’s no vent in the kitchen and the oven and the stove are, you know… hot. And I am not grilling in 90 degree weather, no way, nope, not happening.
4. I’m not hungry. No, I’m not lying. Yes, I ate lunch, and I had a snack when I got home from the gym. Yes, I’m sure; I’m not hungry.
3. I don’t have time! I have a stack of essays to grade, lessons to plan, plus a bunch of reading for my grad class. Oh, and a paper that’s due in a week. NO TIME FOR COOKING.
2. In all honesty, I just don’t feel like it. Can’t that be reason enough?
1. …besides, don’t you want to cook?

.INTERNALIZATION.
Stomach: Hmm… still a little unsteady from last night. Maybe we’ll–
Mouth: LOOK OUT BELOW!
Stomach: I… I don’t think I can handle this! What… what is it?!
Mouth: What do you care! It’s delicious! Food! Awesome!
Stomach: But I’m not hungry!
Mouth: Shut up! You’ve been empty since, like, noon!
Intestines: Uh, yeah, but we’re still a little… full down here.
Stomach: PANIC! PANIC!
Head: Ugh… there’s that clenching again. Oh, shooting pains, too.
Stomach: CANNOT. HANDLE. MORE. PROCESSED. FOOD.
Intestines: This is NOT lookin’ good!
Throat: Ouch! Hey! Keep it down!
Stomach: REFUSE. SHUTTING DOWN.

.PROFESSIONAL OPINION.
Constant stomach pain. Unfortunate side effects. Irritated mood. Lots, and lots, of stabbing pain. Doctor’s visit. Inconclusive. Blood work, the whole gamut. Result: Nothing is wrong.

.BUT.
Common sense rears its head. I was brought up on largely unprocessed, “whole” foods that were cooked with the loving care of my family. I suffered no health problems (and no self-image problems) during the years that I benefited from those meals.
It just doesn’t take a genius to realize that my reliance on other people mass-cooking processed food for me, and thousands of other people, had to be the root of my stomach’s rebellion. The calories were one problem; the pain was something entirely different.
And I was—finally—sick of it.

.SUCCESS.
Courtesy of Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, J and I succeeded in creating a meal together. It wasn’t impossible to create; turns out that chopping vegetables is actually a rather Zen experience. From the first slice of vegetable flesh to the final teasing waft from the oven, creating this dish sold me on the idea that we do not taste first with our eyes, but rather with our nose. (5) With the hands-on element plus the array of salivating scents, the Bliss Point factor ramps up with the satisfaction of working through the meal from beginning to fork-in-mouth end. Cooking together, sitting down together in J’s home: that is a Bliss Point I want to come back to again and again. I may not ever master my grandmothers’ or my mom’s masterful kitchen artistry, but the successful execution of this simple (and healthy) recipe taught me one simple thing: I don’t need the restaurants. I just need the time, the will, and the desire to do right by my body.
I present: Grilled Vegetable Panini. (Please note my Cheese Obsession continues, what with the tantalizing melt of mozzarella.) Home Cooking Bliss Point, Success.

__________________

1 : www.dictionary.com
2 : Harvey-Berino, Jean. The Eating Well Diet: 7 Steps to a Healthy, Trimmer You.  Charlotte, VT: Eating Well, Inc., 2008. 94-95. Print.
3 : Warner, Jackie. This is Why You’re Fat (And How to Get Thin Forever). New York: Hachette Book Group, 2010. 102-104. Print.
4 : Paarlberg, Robert. Food Politics: What Everyone Needs to Know. New York: Oxford UP, 2010. 84-88. Print.
5 : Wansink, Brian.  Mindless Eating: Why We Eat More Than We Think. New York: Bantam Dell, 2007. 110-111. Print.

By: Stacey Long

            Can you remember the last time that you stopped at McDonald’s and grabbed a Quarter Pounder with cheese?  What about the last time you stopped off at TGI Fridays and had one of their Jack Daniels beef steaks?  Now, can you think of a time, just one time, when you sat down and had a meal including a meat you did not buy at a supermarket?  Deer, bear, wild poultry: people just don’t see these things as food anymore because they don’t come prepackaged in the grocer’s freezer.  Why is that? 

My father is a hunter.  That means that my family has tasted some interesting recipes throughout our lives.  That also means a unique table is set for our guests at picnics and birthday parties. I’ve heard people berate my father for daring to kill something as majestic as a deer.  He’s been made into the evil hunter in Bambi that everyone hates because he clearly has no regard for life.  While everyone is entitled to his/her own opinions, I’ve always found it hypocritical to hear someone tell my father how inhumane it is to kill a deer without thinking about the cow that became the hot dog on which they are snacking.  People see certain animals as precious because they live in the wild.  Cows and pigs, who are often bred with slaughter in mind, somehow become less important to the average person.  Their obvious conclusion is that it is cruel to go into the animal’s home (the woods – apparently a barnyard is not a home) and kill it.  As someone who has studied animal science and wildlife extensively, I question whether they know how these barnyard animals are living – now THAT is cruelty.

Let’s take a trip together into the worlds of these creatures.

INFANCY: All animals begin as infants.  For deer, that means 1-3 fawns per year per fertile doe.  For fertile cows, that means one calf.  Already I begin questioning why cows are our domestic creature of choice.  If deer can produce twice as many young annually, wouldn’t it be logical for us to use them as a renewable food source? 

The young of these creatures lead two completely different lives.  Calves are usually weaned at around 4-5 weeks of age (Quigley).  The females learn to eat corn laced with chemicals to prevent disease and the males are boxed in tiny crates where they are fed for about 5 months and then slaughtered to produce veal (Babes in Crates).

Fawns are weaned at about 6 weeks, but after immediate infancy, fawns are capable of foraging for food and could survive if lost.  They remain with their mother in the wild for anywhere between 1-2 years depending on the sex of the fawn (White-Tailed Deer).

FUN FACT! – If you are walking through the woods and find a fawn, do not try to move it; it has not been abandoned.  Doe will leave their fawns hidden for up to 8 hours, but if the fawn smells of human when its mother returns, she may refuse to care for it. 

HABITAT: Perhaps the largest difference between beef cattle and deer is the habitat in which each creature resides.  Most 6-year-olds can tell you that a cow lives on a farm and a deer lives in the woods, but many people don’t stop to think any further than that.  Are the animals happy where they are?  Do they spend time with other animals?  Are they well fed?  How do they interact with humans?  These are all questions that can be answered by looking at the home of these creatures.  Let’s check the encyclopedia…

Beef Cattle – Beef cattle are cows that are traditionally raised for their meat production; however they can also be used for leather products.  Most beef cattle are female.  They are often former dairy cows that have outlived their usefulness for milk production.

 Habitat – Often, beef cattle are raised within the confines of a Concentrated Animal Feeding Operation or CAFO.  CAFO’s are gigantic lots in which many cows reside side by side, standing in their own waste.  CAFO’s can hold thousands of cows, the largest in Nebraska holding 85,000. The animals are fed and watered through long troughs.  These cows are fed corn, which often disturbs the delicate digestive system of a ruminant, and the side effects of this diet, which cows were not designed to consume, are counteracted by antibiotics.  “Rumensin buffers acidity in the rumen, helping to prevent bloat and acidosis, and Tylosin, a form of erthrymycin, lowers the incidence of liver infection” (Pollan 78).  Although unsanitary, cattle feedlots are the most efficient way to raise beef for profit. CAFO’s produce faster growing cattle, allowing the industry to earn more money as cattle constantly pass through these establishments.

White-Tailed Deer – The white-tailed deer is a game animal located in great numbers throughout most of the continental United States.  White-tails are mainly solitary creatures, the male (bucks) gathering in groups of 3-4 at most and only when mating season is not taking place. (White-Tailed Deer)

Habitat – White-tailed deer can survive in nearly any wooded area.  They are sustained by a variety of plants that can be found all over the US.  Deer will eat many different green plants, fruits, and nuts as different seasons pass.  They often reside near agricultural areas where food is always plentiful.  “In agricultural areas, a large part of a deer’s diet is…soybeans.  Bucks especially seem to gorge themselves on soybeans while they’re green” (Long).  In addition to using plants as a food source, deer will use them as a source of protection.  Mother deer will hide fawns in tall grass while they search for food, and many deer will eat in a grassy area next to wooded lots that will provide ample cover if the creature is in danger.

            Possibly the greatest danger to deer is removal of habitat as wooded land becomes developed and shopping centers or houses are built.

MATING: All creatures that want to remain a species have to reproduce.  What’s interesting about barnyard animals is that they have been domesticated for such a long time that some of them have forgotten how to do so naturally.  Others, such as cattle, are not allowed to reproduce on their own because humans wish to select only the best milk or beef producers to pass genes on to the young.  Creatures in the wild use natural selection (the animals are responsible for choosing their own mates) to ensure that good genes are passed on to their young.  With domestic farm animals, farmers are the ones to select the creatures who are allowed to reproduce and they ship bull sperm across the country in vials.  Each vial of sperm costs around $50.00 and must be manually inserted into the female cow (Dairy Farmers Drive…)  I had the “pleasure” of experiencing this firsthand during a high school Ag. Science course.  I also spoke to one of my co-workers, a hunter and fisherman, about his own personal experience with watching deer during mating season. 

November, 2001

Dear Diary –

OMG I did the coolest and grossest thing ever today.  Miller is always trying to get me to do animal stuff, which is totally awesome, but today was crazy.  I told Lucas about it and he was grossed out too much to high five me.  Ready? I fake artificially inseminated a cow.  Miller kinda pushed me towards it. It was pretty nasty, but I’m glad I did it.  It was me, Jason, and Meg.  Valerie went along but wouldn’t do it because she was too grossed out.  See, the cows on a farm don’t actually do it, you have to use purchased semen to get them pregnant.  I know, weird, right?  They wouldn’t let us do the insemination for real, because the bull sperm is expensive, but we got to feel exactly what it would be like to do it, just not inject.  We had to put on these really long gloves that went up past our elbow and then the farmer lubed them up so the cow wasn’t uncomfortable.  We pushed our hands up the cow’s pooper which was real nasty when you think about it, and the cow must have still been uncomfortable because it went to the bathroom all over Jason when he tried.  It was disgusting but I’m still glad I tried it. Heck.  How many other people can say they did this?  Anyway, we pushed up through the cow’s sphincter, which was really tight, and then inserted a tube into the cow’s reproductive tract.  The tube would have usually had the sperm in it.  You had to have your hand in the pooper because you needed to feel where the tube was going and that’s below where your hand is.  Then you would have pushed the tube and it would have been like a syringe with sperm in it.  Then you just pull everything out again!  I’m glad I got to experience this, but I do feel sort of bad for the cow.

November 3, 2007

Log –

Saw something really amazing today.  Was fishing along the bank of the creek out back, watching some doe graze in the field way across the creek when a young buck wandered by me.    Buck walked near me, and looked right at me.  Thought for sure he was going to bolt, but he crossed the creek (scared away all the trout…) and went over to the doe.   I swear, they get stupid during mating season. Like teenage boys at a school dance. Right about then, another young buck stumbled out from the field and the two saw each other.  They started butting heads, fighting over the doe.  The loser wandered off, and the winner tried to mount one of the females.  She snubbed him anyway – acted like she didn’t want anything to do with him and ran, but I know the lowdown.  She runs, he follows, eventually she gives in and babies soon follow.

 Made me think of how soon the young ones are going to be out with their mothers.  God, they’re cute. Stumbling around, butting heads for fun.  Can’t wait to see that.  Maybe in spring I’ll stop by the creek again, see if anything new is showing up.

Anyway, not often that you get to see them fighting over the females.  Especially when they’re this young.  Usually the little ones get their behinds kicked by the older bucks, but they must have been out somewhere else.  I was pretty lucky today.  Not many can say they got to witness this (Waimkessel).

DEATH: All creatures must, at some point, die.  It’s a part of life.  How they die is a different story.  Most people believe that death should carry some dignity – that’s why we hold funerals for our own species and even for our pets.  Deer are harvested (hunters generally frown upon the word “kill”) and cattle are slaughtered.  While man is the cause of the death of these creatures, the process can be two completely different stories.

The Hunt

The hunter sits in his stand, waiting.  He has been here for hours, waiting and watching since the break of dawn.  His face is painted with camouflage that shows his art, much like the Native Americans painted their faces to symbolize the hunt or war.  The hunter is quiet as he patiently sits.  His eyes focus on the horizon, searching for the movement he is desperate to see.  There!  Behind that cluster of white pine.  The buck emerges in a fervent search for doe.  He fails to see anything beyond that which he seeks.  He goes left, right, left again, his nose thrust into the air searching for the scent of ANY female.  The hunter holds his breath as the deer wanders closer.  He raises his bow in preparation.  Now?  No, the buck walks behind a patch of briar and a clean shot now would be impossible.  Wait for it…wait for it…  Yes!  He’s moving again.  The hunter pulls the string back.  The deer does not know what is coming, he merely seeks a mate.  The hunter is experienced.  The arrow is quick and sure.  A straight shot through the heart and the deer knows nothing but the peace of death.  The hunter descends.  He says a prayer and thanks the animal for the life it has given so that his family might enjoy a truly earthy meal.  He bends and places a bit of grass in the mouth of the deer, a last meal for an honorable being.  The hunter begins to carve the animal, taking care not to drop anything.  A life given should never be wasted.

The Slaughter

                The farmer awakens – today is the big day.  The cattle he has been raising for months are ready to be slaughtered and sold.  He gathers his team and each man receives his role.  Some will be stunners, others will hang the animal, and still others will be in charge of the actual killing.  Each man takes his position in the slaughterhouse.  Outside, the animals wait in new pens.  They were transported here earlier this morning – any sooner and the new pen would completely stress the animals.  They are given water and food to relax their nerves.  In the meantime, the crew prepares the stations.  Stunners are laid out, hooks are attached to pulleys on the ceiling, and knives are sharpened.

                The cattle are led into the slaughterhouse one by one.  First, the cow enters a stunning box.  While in this area, she cannot move and her hooves stick to the non-slip floor.  A man climbs into the box with her and places a bolt gun on the cow’s forehead.  Once the trigger is pulled, the creature will collapse onto the floor, unconscious due to the bolt that has been driven into its brain.  The floor of the stunning box is tilted and the animal’s body slides through a trapdoor and into the next station. 

                Another man checks to see that the creature is unconscious.  It must not be breathing, nor can it be making any noises.  If it is, it receives another bolt.

                A third man bends over the cow.  He pierces each hind leg with an enormous hook and the animal is pulled up towards the roof where it dangles, lifeless, on a pulley.  It must be hurried onto the next station – the actual death must take place before the animal regains any sort of feeling.  One minute may pass, no more.

                At the final station in the slaughterhouse, the creature loses its life.  A sharpened and clean knife is dragged across the animal’s throat.  The creature is bled until the brain has been starved of oxygen, then it is removed from the area and sent to the butchering area.  In a matter of minutes the flesh will be turned into steaks, chops, and ground beef, the organs may be sold as dog food or fertilizer (Chambers).

BUTCHERING: Any time that an animal is killed for food, its meat must be butchered.  Many hunters prefer to do this themselves, but some will take the animal to a local shop for processing.  The actual butchering process is fairly similar for both creatures, although the location will differ.  A cow is butchered in the same area in which it was slaughtered.  A deer is field dressed in the woods (the internal organs are removed for cooling) and then can be butchered at home or taken to a shop.  Want to compare the processes?  Check these out.

Deer being butchered after harvest (video clip)

Cow being butchered after slaughter (video clip)

DISPERSION:   After meat has been processed, the next step is to deliver it to the public.  This plays a big factor in the meals that many families have.  Beef can be purchased at a grocery store for a fairly low cost, as can other animals raised in a CAFO environment.  Venison, on the other hand, is something you can obtain either from a specialty store or straight from the person that harvested the animal.  It is rarer to come across, but there are benefits.  Nutritional information shows that venison is actually better in terms of calorie and fat content, and instead of dealing with an impersonal grocer, you get to speak with your friend or neighbor, creating bonds between friends that are shared over a good meal.

 *knock on door*

*Neighbor answers*

 Hunter: Hey Ted.  Just got back from the butcher and I wanted to bring you some of those deer steaks I remembered you liked from our last party.  I took two deer this season, so I had them make a few extra for you.

Neighbor: Hey, thanks man.  You want anything for these?

Hunter: Nah.  Just enjoy.  I get my venison sticks back next weekend.  I’ll bring a few over for the kids.

Neighbor:  Thanks!

Hunter:  Have a good night.

Neighbor: See ya.

THE MEAL: Once the animals reach this point, a person’s relationship with the food depends entirely on the individual.  Some families grill, some grab fast food, some make it a point to sit at the dinner table together.  The meat being prepared does not make the dinner any different.  The person doing the cooking will choose the dinner based on a number of factors including price, flavor, size, and hopefully, if this paper has done its job, the treatment of the creature being served.

 Which will you serve tomorrow?

Works Cited

“Babes in Crates.” Factory Farming Campaign. Humane Society of the United States, 2009.

Web. 31 July 2010. http://www.hsus.org/farm/multimedia/gallery/cows/veal_crates.html>.

“Butchering a cow.” Youtube. Web. 1 Aug 2010.

            <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABLQB38gMxc>.

“Butcher a deer (quick job on a small doe).” Youtube. Web. 1 Aug 2010.

            <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwXH7qQAs1I>.

Chambers, P.G. “Chapter 7: Slaughter of Livestock.” Guidelines for Humane Handling,

            Transport, and Slaughter of Livestock. Regional Office for Asia and the Pacific, 2004.

            Web. July 30 2010. <http://www.fao.org/docrep/003/x6909e/x6909e09.htm>.

“Dairy farmers drive bull market in cattle semen.” Associated Press (7/20/2006): n. pag. Web. 1

            Aug 2010. <http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13939201/>.

Flay, Bobby. “Green Chile Cheeseburgers.” FoodNetwork. FoodNetwork, 2010. Web. 25 July

            2010. <http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/bobby-flay/green-chile-cheeseburgers-

            recipe2/index.html>.

Honeyager, Jerry. “Ground Venison Burgers.” AllRecipes. TasteofHome, 2010. Web. 25 Aug

            2010. <http://allrecipes.com//Recipe/ground-venison-burgers/Detail.aspx>.

Long, Todd. Personal Interview. 10 July, 2010.

Pollan, Michael. Omnivore’s Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals. New York: Penguin

            Press, 78. Print.

Quigley, Jim. “Calf Note #09.” Calfnotes.com. N.p., 2001. Web. 1 Aug 2010.

            <http://www.calfnotes.com/pdffiles/CN009.pdf>.

Stribling, H. Lee. “White-Tailed Deer Management.” ACES, 1996. Web. 28 July 2010.

            <http://www.aces.edu/pubs/docs/A/ANR-0521/#t1>.

Waimkessel, Art. Personal Interview. July 20, 2010.

“White-Tailed Deer.” NatureWorks. New Hampshire Public Television, 2010. Web. 1 Aug 2010.

            <http://www.nhptv.org/NatureWorks/whitetaileddeer.htm>.