My Schizophrenic Relationship with Food

Facing the Wii Board 

Starting up….Step on…oh! First, can you tell me how heavy your clothes are? (±0, ±2, ±4 lbs.) Great! Now, stand with your feet spread equally apart! Release the tension in your shoulders and relax. Measuring….measuring…measuring…all done! The red line I’m about to trace shows the shift in your center of balance…Oh! Your center of balance is slightly to the left. Did you know that placing more weight on one leg can cause back problems? (Continue to BMI) Oh! That’s obese! You’ve gained *.** lbs since last time! Now try to think of a reason for your weight gain. (Overindulged, late dinner, indigestion, bloating, gas.) How did I get myself into this mess? 

 

Sneak Attacks 

Dinnertime at my house was always a strange affair. Mom would rarely make a packaged meal. We might have ham with homemade mashed potatoes and corn, or sausage with homemade mashed potatoes and Campbell’s baked beans, or spaghetti with homemade pasta sauce. In the summer we’d have the treat of corn on the cob. Mom always tried to make the meal so I would eat it, but every once in awhile, she’d sneak something fishy in there. Not fish fishy, strange fishy. One time it was Brussels’ sprouts. Ewww! They were green, looked like tiny cabbages and smelled like dirty feet! I wasn’t touching those! I was a self-proclaimed cookie monster. But, Mom would ask me to eat a few and I would attempt to oblige, though usually at a pace that guaranteed they’d be stone cold by the time I could put one in my mouth. And then dad would get involved, and this is where the whole ordeal became strange. “You’re not leaving this table until you finish your Brussels’ sprouts!” he’d tell me. So what did I do? I did what every red-blooded American kid does when they don’t get their way: I sat at the table for the next three hours. At one point they even turned the dining room light off on me. Not cool. Not cool at all.  

   

C is for cookie![1] 

“Cookie Monster is a voracious monster and one of the main characters on Sesame Street. Covered with blue fur and possessing a pair of googly eyes, Cookie Monster has an insatiable appetite. As his name implies, his primary craving is cookies, but he can (and often does) consume anything and everything, from apples and pie to letters, flatware, and hubcaps. Usually when he eats something, he makes loud munching noises, usually like “AWWWWM-num-num-num-num…”  

……………………………………………………………………… 

To counter concerns that the character encourages poor eating habits, a number of “Healthy Habits for Life” segments and plotlines were introduced in Season 36, in which Cookie encourages viewers to eat a balanced diet, and enjoy cookies as a “sometimes food.” However, the idea of Cookie Monster setting a good example for children with respect to their eating habits has been used since the 1970s, with public service announcements and individual sketches (most notably the rap spoof “Healthy Food“).  

However, the move toward highlighting healthy eating habits in 2005 led to a persistent rumor circulating in the media and on the internet that Cookie Monster would be dropped from the show, or renamed “Veggie Monster.” Sesame Street poked fun at the media firestorm in a Season 37 episode. In a sketch in episode 4115, Matt Lauer of The Today Show confronts Cookie Monster about the rumors that he’s giving up cookies and becoming a “Fruit Monster.” Cookie Monster refutes the rumor, explaining that he eats the fruit first, and then has cookies for dessert. Cookie Monster also says that the media is always blowing things out of proportion. (See Is Cookie Monster now the Veggie Monster? for more.)” 

   

Mom’s Chocolate Chip Cookies (AKA Nestle’s recipe) 

Ingredients 

• 2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened
• 3/4 cup granulated sugar
• 3/4 cup packed brown sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2 large eggs
• 2 cups (12-oz. pkg.) NESTLÉ® TOLL HOUSE® Semi-Sweet Chocolate Morsels
• 1 cup chopped nuts

 Directions 

PREHEAT oven to 375° F. 

COMBINE flour, baking soda and salt in small bowl. Beat butter, granulated sugar, brown sugar and vanilla extract in large mixer bowl until creamy. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Gradually beat in flour mixture. Stir in morsels and nuts. Drop by rounded tablespoon onto ungreased baking sheets.
BAKE for 9 to 11 minutes or until golden brown. Cool on baking sheets for 2 minutes; remove to wire racks to cool completely. 

Eating Note: These are especially yummy when eaten warm and sneakily with a glass full of milk. Eating five or six at a time won’t hurt…at least not if you’re active, or if no one knows. 

  

Wii Fit: Single-leg Extension 

Count with me! One-two-one-two. Your legs are shaking! Try strengthening your core muscles to stabilize your body. This is insane! Did my M&M’s really do ALL this???? 

   

M&M’s (A poem for my momma) 

I jump off the bus 

And dash home, 

Eager to see you. 

You’re always there 

Waiting, with a  

Glass of milk and a  

Bowl of M&M’s. 

Even the day I forgot my lunchbox 

On the bus 

And was crying so hard 

I ran into the wall and bent 

My glasses, you had the milk 

And M&M’s ready. 

You’re always there to  

Make it all better. 

I wish I could do 

The same for you. 

   

Dinnertime Litany 

CLEAN YOUR PLATE! THERE ARE CHILDREN STARVING IN [insert country/continent of choice]! 

“Eat It”[2] 

 

Wii Fit: Tricep Extension 

On the first whistle, lower your arm and on the second whistle, raise it! Count with me! This exercise is popular because it helps tone your upper arms. But chocolate is so yummy! I don’t want to give it up! 

   

Dark Chocolate is Healthy[3] 

“How is dark chocolate healthy? 

Chocolate is made from plants, which means it contains many of the health benefits of dark vegetables. These benefits are from flavonoids, which act as antioxidants. Antioxidants protect the body from aging caused by free radicals, which can cause damage that leads to heart disease. Dark chocolate contains a large number of antioxidants (nearly 8 times the number found in strawberries). Flavonoids also help relax blood pressure through the production of nitric oxide, and balance certain hormones in the body. 

Other Benefits of Dark Chocolate: 

Chocolate also holds benefits apart from protecting your heart: 

• it tastes good
• it stimulates endorphin production, which gives a feeling of pleasure
• it contains serotonin, which acts as an anti-depressant
• it contains theobromine, caffeine and other substances which are stimulants”

   

A Shift in the Dinnertime Ritual 

Somewhere along the line, we stopped eating at the dinner table. I don’t remember if it was after the disastrous Brussels’ sprouts ordeal or if it was later than that. But somewhere, sometime, we started eating in front of the television. Five o’clock was when M*A*S*H came on. My parents had both watched it when it was on originally and I found myself watching it with them. Mom would still cook the same delicious meals, but we would get our food on our plates and migrate out to the living room, where we would plant ourselves for the next hour or so and watch Hawkeye, Trapper (or B.J.) and Henry Blake (or Colonel Potter) try to deal with whatever hi-jinks happened to be on the agenda for the episode. I couldn’t possibly tell you what I ate, but I can tell you every single thing that happened in those episodes. The meals were washed away in the glow of a cathode-ray tube. 

My Weekly High School Schedule  (aka how I stay so skinny!!!!)
Monday	Ballet and Jazz
Tuesday	Colorguard Practice
Wednesday	Hip Hop and Pointe
Thursday	Colorguard Practice/Drama Club Practice
Friday	Football Game
Saturday	Competition
Sunday	Day off!!!!

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

Dinnertime for College Kids 

JE: Geez, look at the line! 

AF: I know! It’s always so ridiculously long at this time of night! 

JE: At least we’re moving…thank goodness, we’re finally in. 

AF: Yeah. What do you think you’ll have tonight? 

JE: I dunno. I’m going to take a walk and see what’s up. 

AF: Alright. I’ll meet up with you in a few! 

JE: Chicken, ew…steak, ew…pasta, ew… looks like it’s going to be another triple-decker peanut butter sandwich, pink lemonade and chocolate sundae night…sigh… 

AF: What’s up? Is that all you’re eating again? 

JE: I miss my mom’s cooking.  

   

Wii Fit: Basic Run 

Try to stay behind the Mii in front of you. Try to jog at an even pace. You’re pace is unsteady! Swing your arms to burn extra calories! How can an extra few snacks have turned me into THIS?! 

   

Frat Girl tricks 

You’ll never guess what I can do! Observe as I invert this bottle of Hershey’s chocolate syrup over my open mouth and SQUEEZE!!!!!!! 

   

Shopping Trip/Girls’ Night Out!!!! 

Ohmigod that is the cutest shirt ever! Oh you look absolutely awesome in peach! It totally brings out your eyes! Michael will absolutely love you in this! What, really? Shut up! You think I should try it? It is the cutest skirt I’ve ever seen! Alright, I’ll try it. Let me find a dressing room…you’re kidding! They broke up! No way! I can’t believe that! I thought for sure they’d get…what? Almost! I think I grabbed the wrong size…No I don’t think we’re going to the beach this year, it’s way too expensive. Ohmigod…is that really my ass?  

   

Wii Fit: You’ve Got to Fight It, Rocky! 

Just watch my moves, first. Right left right block, left right left block. Now you try. Right left right block, left right left block. Fight the fat! 

How do I stop it?![4] 

“I asked Donna Boyd about her suggestions for a healthy lifestyle. ‘I always tell people to take baby steps. Just do one thing at a time or you won’t stick with it.’ That is definitely good advice.” 

   

MSN reports[5] 

“A new report on American eating habits reveals that almost a quarter of the calories we consume come from nutrient-poor selections – better known as “junk food. According to the responses, soft drinks are the number one source of calories. They accounted for 7.1 percent of the calories these people consumed in 1999–2000. Altogether, the categories of soft drinks, sweets and desserts, and alcoholic beverages contributed 23.8 percent of the calories that these survey respondents consumed. Salty snacks and fruit-flavored drinks added another five percent of calories. Another study looking only at youths aged 8 to 18 reports similar findings. Candy, table sugar, sweetened drinks, baked and dairy desserts, salty snacks, fatty foods like butter and gravy, along with some other nutrient-poor foods made up more than 30 percent of the calories these youths consumed. In fact, desserts and table sweeteners alone comprised almost 25 percent of the total calories. Furthermore, those who ate the most junk food tended to eat the least amount of nutrient-dense, healthful foods. They took in less vitamins A, B-6 and folate, as well as calcium, magnesium, iron and zinc.” 

“Fat”[6] 

 

Nightly College Ritual 

1. Walk back from class
2. Sit in front of  computer.
3. Chat with friends for about half an hour.
4. Grab a handful of cookies and some milk.
5. Work on homework and chat with friends while mindlessly shoving cookies in face.
6. Run out of milk, head back to the kitchen for a Coke.
7. Realize I can’t drink the Coke without having something salty to eat with it.
8. Grab a box of Cheez-its.
9. Return to room with snack in hand, resume homework and chatting.
10. Mindlessly shove Cheez-its and Coke in face.
11. About four hours later, realize the box is empty and I’ve had three cans of Coke.
12. Brush teeth and go to bed.

   

Wii Fit: Rhythm Boxing 

Step back left left right right left left block. Step back right right left left right right block. Punch from the hip! Ohmigod this is insane! I’m going to have a heart-attack at this rate! Did I start eating more? Did my metabolism drop? What happened to me!? 

   

Dear Diary, 

I’m not sure when I stopped thinking about what I ate. I guess I always sort of figured I’d be able to eat anything I wanted forever and stay the same size. I always had a ghetto booty, and that probably should have been my first hint that I would not stay skinny forever. I think the major turning point was college. I hated the food there and so ate nothing but crap for the first year. Then my old habits of eating in front of the television kicked in and I would find myself eating on autopilot as I tried to complete an assignment, or watch TV, or read a book. I never really knew what I was putting in my mouth. The last straw was probably the fact that I stopped doing anything. I was always so tired from work that I never rode my bike, I was too old to go out and play, and all of my friends were in the same boat as me. None of us had time to do any of the things we did when we were young…and skinny. I’m sure the “happy plate” mentality kicked in at some point, especially when I was living in Maryland on my own and had to pay for all the food I ate. I started seeing it as wasteful to not eat all of it and so I did. And so I do. It’s hard to deprogram yourself after years of constant reminders, but I think it’s much harder to get rid of the weight that you put on when that programming gets the better of you. I’ll continue to do my thirty-minute Wii Fit Plus workouts. I’ll continue to take the abuse of a stupid board with nothing but a bunch of wiring. I’ll continue to try my hardest to follow my WeightWatchers and only eat 1200 calories a day (even though I used to be eating 2400 at least). And I’ll even try to enjoy riding my bike uphill both ways (it’s amazing, but true; the bike path near my new apartment has an incline at both ends…booo!!!) But I think the journey back is going to be much harder than the journey here, and I really don’t like difficult road trips.

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[1] “Cookie Monster – Muppet Wiki.” Muppet Wiki. N.p., n.d. Web. 26 July 2010. 

[2] Yankovic, Weird Al. “WEIRD AL YANKOVIC – EAT IT.” YouTube.com, n.d. Web. 2 Aug. 2010. 

[3] Stibich, Mark, Ph.D.. “Chocolate – Health Benefits of Chocolate.” Longevity, Anti-Aging and You – Healthy Aging, Longevity, and Anti Aging. Version na. About.com, n.d. Web. 22 July 2010. 

[4] Keck, Jessica. “Healthy Living from the Peace Frog.” Interview. 

[5] Collins, Karen, R.D.. “Junk food makes up quarter of U.S. diet – Health – Diet and nutrition – Nutrition Notes – msnbc.com.” Breaking News, Weather, Business, Health, Entertainment, Sports, Politics, Travel, Science,Technology, Local, US & World News- msnbc.com. MSN, 2004. Web. 9 July 2010. 

[6] Yankovic, Weird Al. “WEIRD AL YANKOVIC – FAT.” YouTube.com, n.d. Web. 2 Aug. 2010.